a trip into my body the past few days....

You know how it is when you are sitting in the same position for too long? It might be your right leg and foot, or even your left arm, but slowly, surely, one of your limbs will start to send some funky messages to your brain.

Messages like, “uhhh, hello in there; you better move me because I’m not liking the stagnant position you have me in.”

You know what I’m talking about. You also know what happens when you ignore those messages because you’re comfortable. So comfortable.

First you start to feel the tingling of electric currents running up and down that leg. It isn’t so bad at first, but slightly uncomfortable. The tingling will last for a bit...but slowly the feelings will change. Then, everything will go numb. No feeling at all.

Then, the next thing that happens is the jerking and spasm that occurs in your muscles. You know what I mean. It might not physically move but inside you feel the twitching as your muscles adjust to whatever it is they are adjusting to. Sometimes your leg will physically kick and you’ll see it move, knowing the feeling of satisfaction that you aren’t going insane. Other times it’ll just feel like it’s kicking and moving internally.

Then all of a sudden your leg will feel like it weighs 3x as much as it did before. It won’t hold your weight when you stand up, it’ll give out on you. Then when you do try and persevere and continue walking pain will start slowly moving up and down your leg. The tingling will come back as the numbness slowly leaves. When all of those feelings leave, you’ll be back to normal. And your leg will send you a message something like this:

“uhhhhh, can we please NEVER do that again. I hated that. Didn’t you, brain? Let’s just listen to my signals next time so we don’t need to repeat that.”

But alas, your brain is stubborn and eventually you’re leg or arm or hand or foot fall asleep and go through the whole process again.

Now, imagine feeling that inside your brain?!?!? And to have those tingling and numb feelings up and down your legs and arms. To the tips of your fingers you feel the shooting electric current. Even your very tongue is a spasm and wondering what is going on to make it alternate being tingle-y and numb.

That is the best way I can describe how I feel this week. I’m coming off some of my medicine (which has been slowly happening for over 3 months now) but this week was the final “no more pills day” (a praise in and of itself!). However, my body isn’t liking missing its chemical friends as it has decided to go crazy.

Seriously, its like a giant New Year’s Eve party in my body that I wasn’t invited to.

Fun.

Only, not.

So I’ve spent two days ago feeling lousy but pushing through and working. My yesterday I spent deciding it was time to call it a day and take off and not work the afternoon, and my last night and today sleeping it off. So glad I have Leah here taking care of me. She’s had me holed up in her room, arranging for meals to be brought up, clothes and toothbrushes to make it to me here, people to work watching the kids for me, backrubs for my back, even a little foot massage.

Perhaps it pays to be feeling lousy!?!?! (smile)

Some GOOD things I’ve noticed since I literally have slowed down every movement.

1) My boys miss me! I was caught up on how the morning went, and I found out all the boys were crying my name and missing me. (laughing) I’m not happy it was a rough morning for the girls, but I am happy that they actually noticed I wasn’t there and missed me! Perhaps I am doing a good job teaching and impacting them!!! Also, I miss them terribly too.....

2) Leah is here. What a sweet blessing to have someone who knows me so intimately when I am well and when I am sick. I can’t praise the Lord enough for her. It was just what I needed to have someone take over and make decisions for me as my mind shut down and I wasn’t super thinking or talking or doing anything with myself yesterday.

3) The reminder from Jesus through others that I need to just chill and give myself grace in being healthy now physically and healing my heart emotionally.

4) A great farm family that keeps checking up on me constantly and loving me. What a blessing working at a place that lets me take off and be healthy.

5) Roelene to just sit and let me sob into her stomach for awhile as I had many "Moments" yesterday at school before deciding it was stupid working and took the day off. I love my SA mom.
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I love being here, so what that I've been more homesick the past few days missing my family since feeling so sick, I am SO assured this is exactly where Jesus wants me. (imagine radiant smile on my dizzy face)

Here is a toast and prayer that tomorrow my body will be ever more closer to back to normal and I’ll walk without being aware of sharp objects on the ground in case I decide to faint suddenly. (hahahaha but so true!)