ahhhh Easter Vacation

tomorrow at noon i am off.
off for a much needed and deserved break from teaching and life on the farm.
i still can't believe it's gonna happen. still not getting "fully" excited.

i was originally gonna head to my "adopted" grandparents in pretoria. o blissful jacaranda city that i love. but they decided they needed to get "out" and that it would be good for me too. so now, we are off to White River. with day trips to Graskop and Kruger (FOR FREE!).

oom tom and tannie magda are so dear to me. i can't even tell you how joyful i am to be going. seriously. i know it might be weird hanging out with the "60 year olds" the old people. but i love them! they love me! and that is about all i care about *smile*

i'll be gone till late monday night or tuesday morning early. depends on traffic.

i've been told it is absolutely outrageous to drive here over easter. so please pray for all around car safety for me. pray i see the big five! pray that the Lord uses the quiet and stillness and away-ness to speak life and rest and joy into my bones.

i'm weary. i can't tell you how many times i prayed with the Lord to not only get away over Easter but to be in mountains. I truly can't believe its happening.

ahhhhhh

i'll be out of touch for awhile. happy easter. here is everything i want to say.
i wrote this last Easter. i could write it all over again.
i'll be remember the red drip blood that made white this weekend.
and rejoicing.
praying you will as well.

12 years and 9 inches, esther and i

we're separated by 12 years and roughly 9 inches.
we giggle in step. sweaty arms sway at our sides.

we pass on an evening walk. and its always better to be out together. so together we continue.
she and i.
my dear esther friend.

she spots something on my arm:
my ipod.
ideas burst in my mind.
i grab one of the ear pieces.
we share.
left for esther, right for me.
hello hurricane sings to us.
she giggles. i giggle.

12 years and nine inches separate us.
colors, countries, and cultures all foreign to each other.
but we share smiles.
and a love of vibrancy, of life.

we share little girl secrets.
whispers of babies, boys, work.
12 years and nine inches.
thats all that separates my ester friend and me.

weekly roundup vol. 4

i would like this painting, thank you. and i will hang it above my bed.

this is hilarious. sad and stupid. but hilarious.

i'm not in the states right now. and what i read is biased on both sides. the health care bill passed a week ago today. i enjoyed this man's take on the Christian's response to said bill.

i found this online. it was helpful and factual for me knowing what's to come as far as the health care bill timeline. or, if you're a nerd like me. you can read the entire bill here (finally found it!), and the amendments here. (yes, i have read almost all of this, but i skipped down to the text, not the actual "outline." its taking breaks and days, but i will read it all! i like to actually know what my gov't does and why i agree or disagree for myself, not for what someone interpreted the bill as to me. and no, i did not understand hardly a lick. but i feel good for reading it! *smiles*)

large cities turning into "mega regions." what does this mean for ministry? for the church? for people? ps: i liked the jozi shout out, even if it was negative. i LOVE jozi. Jesus does too.

most of you are aware i love weddings. seriously, my dad and i could go to a wedding every weekend and not ever grow tired of them. this was my favorite wedding this past week. i love fog!

how crazy is this?!?! eerie and mystic at once. i love national geographic!

they sing and giggle and i treasure and record....

i've been in the "treating" mood all week. the boys got to go for a ride and see the zebra's. the boys got to eat some of my easter candy from home. the boys went swimming a bit. (side note: kelvin is now fully swimming on his own?!?! that boy amazes me. constantly) the boys today got to play with photo booth in the morning. it is their favorite thing to do.

ps: they love balloons as much as me. they wanted to show off...

the boys were singing just now to me:

"we want to marry you, my love"

"why don't you marry me, my love."

it is by far the funniest thing they have done today.

they have often asked to marry me, because they know it makes me swoon and giggle. i think they are just barely understanding what it means. to them its just a funny thing to say that makes me giggle.

in the above photo. please note perfect's hilarious face in every. stinkin. photo. ha!

they are precious.

i swear i do teach them. but i also promise we do more fun things than "hard learning". they will have 12 years of education. i want to make sure their first year/years is solid and fun and in so doing they'll enjoy the other 11 or so.....

perfect and kelvin love alex in madagascar II. he does this "funny' move where he moves his hand back and forth across his face. they are doing that in the above photo. too funny!!

the boys picked out the colors, and graphics, and what not for the photos. i did no editing. they get frustrated with me when i edit. so we just "snap, snap, snap" constantly.

Happy Weekend! :)

ups & downs, scars & smiles

every once in a while i hit writing panic mode.

everyday, almost, someone else tells me they read whats going on in my life. but so few comment (which is fine! really, it is) that it just leaves me unaware that "so and so" is reading till in real life they comment about something i wrote WEEKS ago. it gives me the ibby gibbys. however you spell that. do other families say it? its a favorite. of mine.

i sit just now and drink verona coffee dipped with buttermilk rusks that have become a recent obsession. i sit and ponder why i write. what the point is. and should i continue.

i want to continue. but i want to do it in secret. where no one sees. so i don't fear what others will think...

and i. write. free.

because right now so many supports read this, and i want them to continue supporting* me because i only have what is given by you all each month. but then i edit what i say here. and hello...don't all people realize that we're all not perfect so why would "missionaries" be perfect? i used to think missionaries were good, holy people. but that was before i became one. and perhaps i'm the only "non-perfect" one but i'm thinking, since i live on a farm full of other ex-pat missionaries, there are more (no offense, shikwaru family. its reality, and i love you all. truly. even though you all stalk this blog and never comment!!! hahaha *winks*) who also sin. *shudders*

and then there is the issue of knowing what i say could *gasp* offend someone. and that. is. not. okay. not okay for this middle child who is a peacemaker by heart. not okay for this girl who's great joy is in others joy. but this girl has deep deep passions and thoughts refined from heartache and Truth and years studying and starting and almost finishing a billion degrees amazingly getting one of the degrees, and living cross-culturally, and having an unusual family upbringing.* how do i go about balancing my desire for peace and harmony with my absolute conviction in certain things? even silly (or serious) things like why mint magnum bars are better than triple choc ones. or why gnomes should rule the world. or how i dont understand who created God and how He came to be but i absolutely believe He created this earth, this world i see and study about and that He loves me intimately. i am utterly convinced of these facts. but i don't know how to write about them. not in the way i want to write about them....

and people here on the farm are reading this. and my family at home reads about this. and friends of mine (hey chapmans!) asked if i write things i wouldn't say in person. and it makes me think. makes me make sure i've told whoever i want to tell in person what i'm gonna write before i write it, or that i don't write something i wouldn't say if given the chance. wow. did that make any sense? it sounded so much better in my head. but also, instead of searching through my email list its much simpler to just type out a quick update here and let whoever is interested read. and i secretly sorta hope i'll "hook" some new people into my life, into the school, into believing in me, that they would want to donate and help share this journey of starting a school and loving little ones.

this is the very first post i wrote here. that is what this is about. i'm gonna be more honest again. i was getting away from that. from things like this. that was very honest. to much comparing to other writers, to much editing. i might be an English teacher by degree but i despise editing myself. i like editing other work, but my own is to personal. i get to attached to every word; even the misplaced ones.

i am more and more convinced that honesty and being real is what connects. its a risk, its difficult, but authentic living is what attracts other people. who attract other people. and perhaps in turn, there will be a world of people not taking themselves to seriously, and believing in others more, and loving more, and judging less. and on and on my dreams go...

there is no point to this besides me committing to write real life. ups & downs, scars & smiles. so love love away on me. or judge me. but i am gonna get better at walking out the freedom i have in Christ.

freedom. to. be. me.

i feel better. now i can have a good weekend.
*grins*

*Jamie says everything i'm thinking on this better than i ever could.
*its the first time i have called my upbringing unusual. but i have never met someone that has a similar upbringing so i think its fair to say it was. most families don't take in other families, other singles, other "homeless" people; other families don't adopt and foster in the ways we did with the number of children we did. its fair to say i loved my growing up years, but they were unusual indeed.

new zebra's, first field trip of sorts...

little hands clasped as we creeped (yes, i totally just made that word up) over bumps and boulders to reach the destination of impending release.

the light was so lovely coming in the cruisers windshield. the boys sat. eager. on my lap.

6 zebra's. we were waiting for six zebra's. there in the truck they were hidden.

this is why i have become a runner. how can you not run when you see this? i love living in the veld. with the wild animals roaming about me.

after driving a few minutes we got up to the landing area. the guys were busy preparing some sort of anti-tick spray. jubba was teasing me...

but i told him if he didn't smile like normal my family would think i work with mean guys. that got him to smile, and i saw a much more familiar jubba face *smile*

the guys sprayed through cracks in the roof. or so i'm told. from where i was on the back of the bakkie it was all a bit hazy.

it was a pretty big event. even the american interns on the other side of the farm drove up. they were grateful for the bakkie to stand in too. 

lo, the expert photographer, was getting ready. i haven't seen the proof yet, but i'm betting she got some VERY nice shots. 

hello there barely visible and shy mr zebra.

oooo now you decide to grace us and disembark. i think mr zebra did not get the memo to disembark slowly so as to allow for the perfect kodak moments. o well.

i missed the next two in the truck, but i got them here. barely.

off to the races!

you can just barely make them out as they run away to freedom, to their new home, MY HOME!

i will never get tired of living in such a wild place. it beats any zoo. beats any imaginary dreams of wild and mayhem i had growing up. the boys were utterly captivated by our new neighbors. it was the highlight of their week. seeing their joy and delight in the simple things filled me with joy and delight all over again. thats all. its not, but it will do for a late friday evening.

a pointless post about real moments.

its terribly difficult to believe this week is almost to friday.

i ran 6 k's two days ago; i feel the distance today in whispers along my muscles. the doctor lady wasn't lying when she said it would take 2 weeks to a month for me to notice a difference in my eyes. at least its taken two days so far as i woke with red blood eyes that ached and still burned sulfur this morning. when francis dropped off matthew today he exclaimed as he entered the school: "rebekah, here is your boy. he's missed you." which was hilarious as he was screaming not wanting to be with me. i missed matthew. he cried only 5 minutes. it was nice, he must have missed me.

(kelvin and perfect eating supper at kelvin's house. last month)

last night i dropped zulu, perfect and kelvin off at the hospital before church. kelvin and perfect LOVE town. it is a very big deal for those two little men to go into town. i had such joy seeing their little giggles and squeals with each new bend in the road. after music and a rousing impromptu futbal game at church i picked them back up from the hospital. little squeals and they told me what they had for supper. they each had a frog, if you wondered. and he (the frog), is bouncing in their belly's as they tell me all this. this is a childlike lie. they didn't really eat frogs. they just love them and were teasing me. they find humour in these sorts of things. they spend too much time with me.

they tell me marvin is getting better. i hear that today from doc as well. i long for him to be healthy and grow and be in school too. he is an angel baby. something about him is magic in my eyes. i love him. love them all.

i lead worship for the young adults and youth wednesday nights. pieter helps so much. in fact, he truly leads. i'm just the 'name' if anything goes bad so it doesn't fall on him. we both decided on this, its a good fit. like with school, the "band" is all boys. they are big little brothers. we tease incessantly, laugh often, create music too much, pray routinely, cry occasionally (ok, ok, i cry. they sit and wait awkwardly till i'm done!), sing, jump around, slap each other, they wrestle, i chastise we need to practice more play less, as i secretly wish to be a boy so its appropriate to wrestle too as i sit in my dresses and earrings and make-up clad face on the piano bench and watch. i would be an awful boy. i like dresses far to much. last night pieter and anrich both tried at different moments to scare me. sneaking behind me to whisper at my nape. i caught them each and scared them in return. it will never happen again me catching them. it was glorious. wian watched both times. he winked his pride in me for getting them, smiled too, i teeth bared smiled in return.

two little ones have awoken from their nap. they sit and create lego houses. i quietly ask them to sit on my lap for a surprise. we take photos. this one still makes me smile.

this is a pointless post. i intended to write other things. deeper things. but got distracted in the little moments that pass in waves through my mind.

i have half sleeping babes, half wide awake little terrors. i must go and tend the waking ones before the decibel levels rise to an outlandish high and the littlies wake too.

GPS, and marvin in the hospital

what the past two days have been like. (briefly and only in part.)

this morning i was finally able to get in to town see the eye doctor. i haven't really told anyone because sometimes i think people think i'm a hypochondriac. and i can be, i'm sure. certainly. but i've known for almost two months something was off in my eyes. i need to be better at recognizing that i know my body best and if something is wrong or off to me, i need to get it looked at. no one else can or will...

i couldn't keep my contacts in for more than 2 hours in the past two months. my eyes would be bloodshot every morning. they hurt and burned and were just off. but during the day they go almost white so i kept letting it go. anyway, i finally went into today and when the doctor saw me, what an angel she was!, but when she saw me, after not even 5 minutes, she told me i had a very obvious and bad infection, giant papillary conjunctivitis. i think growing up having a dad for a doctor the word conjunctivitis is 'homey' and very understandable to me*. i started crying. i'm so used to doctors saying, "well, we know something isn't right but we aren't sure what..." its SO nice to have a doctor confident with a diagnosis and treat me. i was so grateful. i was washed in relief.

within 3 weeks to a month i should be al clear. i have drops, medicine, and some wipes. (side note: i didn't even know they made medicated eye wipes!!! sa-weet!) she was so kind. we talked about a lot of things. she tried to set me up with a few of her friends. (afrikaaners are so into matchmaking!) she might send her daughter to my school. you read that right, daughter. i wouldn't have the first clue how to handle a girl. my regular vision is doing very well and hasn't changed at all, always very nice to hear! she wouldn't let me pay for my eye exam and visit. i liked her a lot, but that sealed the deal... she said it was just a gift for everything i'm doing in the community. tears stained my eyes again. i gave her a hug and i was off to get back to the farm.

Large side note: i wasn't entirely sure where the money would come from for the visit. doctors are so expensive and i was a bit nervous. it was entirely the Lord answering my prayers that i didn't have to pay. i just want to mark it down that i came back to give Him praise and thanks. i specifically asked for him to provide money and release my mental anxiety on where it came from. and he answered by not allowing me to pay a cent. a miracle. a gift. i'm grateful, sweet Jesus, oh, thank you!

a car fell through again. yesterday afternoon. i was very confident and hopeful in this one. i was so sad and angry and lost i laced up my shoes and went running. i wanted to run up the mountain but we have hunters here, so to be safe, i ran out towards the road. i ran a bit over 6 ks till i decided i shouldn't really be out at dark and i shouldn't really be running on the tar road. when i got home i was still ready to go some more. but i was cooking dinner for simba so i didn't. i cooked, he did the dishes, we prayed, we talked. i am sad he is away so much driving for RaG now. glad he is doing more what he likes, but sad he isn't around every day. we talked about annie and the wedding and i can't tell you how excited i am to have annie come live on the farm after the wedding. and for the wedding itself....in Zim....ahhh what a joy it will be!

this sweet boy is in the hospital.

it doesn't seem awful but it doesn't seem good. he really hasn't been healthy since he was born. i had my dad check him out in november when he was here, he's been to many doctor's, and he just isn't thriving. i worry for him. his brother Kelvin is in school and i adore his parents. i adore little marvin. he is the little one i nestle close to me when i am homesick. something about his sweetness melts me. i know doc visited him today, so i'm gonna call tomorrow and see what he thinks. not that i don't trust the doctors here, but an american doctor, specializing in family practice, its just to similar to my dad....i, by default trust and love doc.**

*in Aug of 2003 when i interned at OneHope for a year i struggled a lot living away from my family. unbeknownst to me the film crew had an idea. they asked us who our hero's/the most important person was to us. they contacted that person and had them write a letter. at various points throughout the trip we were each called to the "diary" room and opened them. mine was from my dad. it was four pages long. hand written (the BEST kind of notes). in the first paragraph he told me his normal doctor penmanship would be worse than normal because he had "viral conjunctivitis" which is pink eye for all you "common folk" *winks*. i always loved that. who my dad is to the core was seen even in that most prized letter of mine. which, i still have, in the desk that sits next to my bed, in my little lapa here in mokopane south africa. i also have it copied onto my computer because i have read it so often it is barely readable anymore and has faded so. it was the sort of letter everyone should have when embarking on a grand adventure. fully released, fully sent, fully loved and believed in. i have the best dad.
and mom, too.

** plus, not only has he heard of Brucellosis, he's actually had patients with it!!! LOVE him :)

***would you please say a prayer for Marvin. that his little body would become whole. that he will grow to be strong like his brother. and pray for his parents. i can't imagine their hearts***

~thank you

seana, my flower girl

tonight, finally, abi and i were able to skype. we normally talk every day. even if just a few moments. but its been over 2 weeks since i saw her, or my beloved babies:

my sweet first born, seana jane, and my little namesake, sadie may.

i love those girls.

seana was adorable as she smiled real big and told me she had very exciting news to share.

she got real close to the camera and proudly exclaimed how she is gonna be a flower girl this year!

i wish the world could see her delight. and pride. 

she is an image of beauty.

our cousin, molly, is getting married in july and asked seana to be her flower girl.

oh, the memories it brought back! memories of abi and i. flower wreathes in our hair. frilly dresses on. princess shoes. we were flower girls more times than i can count, and each time was so special. a day, a memory, i have yet to forget. 

it is such a big deal to me being asked to be a flower girl. such a big "step" in a little girls life. seana is at the age she'll remember the day. she'll remember thinking it was her day. and thats ok. because its good for her to store up memories of her being doted on and cherished now. its good for her to be involved in a good wedding and marriage celebration. its good for her to be a princess too. good for her to be silly and dress up and live her childhood. 

but, it made me dearly sad. i cried a bit getting off the phone. you'd think seana was getting married for how i felt. i was so sad knowing i'd miss out on Molly's wedding. i'm even more sad now. being an aunt does strange things to your heart.

she is not a little baby anymore. 

she's growing up. big moments in her life are happening. they aren't waiting till the Lord moves me back home, they aren't slowing down. she's growing. i'm missing some of her best years. i'm missing sadie's first steps. i cant get that back. time isn't pausing while i do and live and be where the Lord has called me to be. 

i love that little girl. 

i love every time i see her on skype. i love every photo. i love every story of her "stealing" her mom's cell phone to call her grandparents. i love her silliness and stubbornness. she is growing. she is now at "flower girl" age. soon, she'll be a "junior bridesmaid," then it'll be time to date, then for prom, then for college....driving....her own marriage. i don't want to look back and feel i missed out. but it'll happen. for all that i try and do and keep in touch, being here requires and necessitates i miss out on things. special milestone things in her life.

i counted the cost again tonight. sometimes i joke that for all that i miss out with family i better get another jewel in my crown in Heaven. and i might well. but, i can't imagine a jewel rare enough to satisfy missing out on the girls growing up. He is my jewel. He is the reason i sacrifice living where i am comfortable. living with my family and friends. because i do believe being where He has called me is worth it. and i do believe He is worth it. and the peace that He gives me to continue walking where He illuminates is what gets me through moments like this....

and, seana jane, your aunt bebek is so stinkin proud of you! oh, how i love you, sweet girl. what a beautiful little flower girl you're gonna be. 

drop it like a mouse. wait, wha???

EDITED: 2 hours later. i forgot some!! OOPS :(
i feel so clever with that title.
in africa we don't drop it like its hot....we drop mice, from the ceiling. or, they drop on us.
let me explain....

i dont even know where to begin.
i guess, "i'll start at the very beginning. a very good place to start. when you read you begin with A-B-C..."*

last saturday night i called an invited myself over to the Blessman's house for dinner. they had three med students for the weekend and i was bored. i love doctors. they are such a funny and peculiar people. i think i love it because i feel like dad, aunt karla and uncle cary are all in the same room, only their much younger selves. anyway. doctors are good. and funny. and just smart. they fascinate me.

i went over for supper. it was nice. we ate and then everyone dispersed as beth and i headed outside to play some intense rummikub. we're sitting outside for probably close to an hour when one of the male students comes outside almost pale white. now, mind you, this is a GROWN man, in his third year of medical school. preparing to go into emergency medicine. he comes out and tells beth a mouse just fell from the ceiling onto the sofa, almost landing on him, and its stuck in the sofa.

beth and i head inside. i gotta admit. mice don't really freak me out so much anymore compared to 'other' things roaming the farm. we head inside and i'm fully expecting to see a rather large mouse. we get to the sofa and i'm shocked to see something the size of my pinkie finger in between the seats.

by this point the other med students have wondered over and are checking out this mouse. its a baby. tiny. tiny. tiny. beth gets a plastic bag, and just picks it up. just like that. my favorite moment was when scott (or was it nick, beth? i'm getting them confused) said to beth and i: "oh, i could've done that." hahahaha!! sure he could've! thats why he came outside to get beth to go help him sort out the mouse dropping! ahhahahahaha

and he's planning on being in emergency medicine?!?!?

only in africa do we have mice dropping from the ceiling! *smile*
got to love it.
...................................
it was a fast week. its the last week of march. UNREAL!

it gets very cold here in the winter. and i haven't even been here in the coldest month, july, yet. don't be fooled because its africa. its COLD! i've been trying to decide what type of flannel pajamas to get for myself. but then i stumbled onto this. you all know how much i LOVE gnomes. i'll be purchasing these and having them sent over in a care package. they are AMAZING! ahhhhhhhh love love love them!

this video is one of the best i've seen in awhile. i laughed so hard i almost cried.

so proud to be in SA when this passed in Parliament!

also, on the same topic. this is good. the first poster gets me so much. i am thinking of printing it out and posting it above my bed to remind me to pray more and do more. its terribly wonderful if you know what i mean.

to prove the truth of things like child weddings see this short article. makes me sick.

this is one of the most magical photos i've seen in a long time. see the whole wedding here.

we're gonna make these in school on tuesday. i did the test run yesterday. i can't wait!

this shoot is so dreamy. its my favorite. not surprised at all jose did it.

tomorrow i have off. its a public holiday here. it is remembering the Sharpeville massacre. i don't want to get into the politics of then or now. but i do think half of my readers have no clue about what happened and they should know. and in general, i'd love for real heart change to occur here in SA and everywhere....

how happy my heart will be when there are no more tears, or fighting, or death!

*bonus love points to whoever can identify the song and movie. leah, you don't count. you know every lyric to every song to every movie....everyone else, GO! :)

a late (ish) evening swim

it all began around dusk.

splashing was heard in my lapa.

i mean, not "in" my lapa, but i heard it when i was in my lapa. do you see the difference? ok, good.

squeals of glee rang in the night.

the scent of children and laughter filled air.

johanno heard it too. he came running.

its never to late or cold for the farm kids to swim. i mean, it was probably still in the 70s but we've been having such an indian summer lately i was cold. i distinctly remember this night being on the cold side.

beautiful natalie.

i took all of these tuesday night. or was it monday? i can't remember now. i told ya i was behind in my cue. o well.

tomorrow i'll share some of my favorite links from this past week. i'll also share a funny story that occurred last saturday. but i couldn't find the words before. tomorrow, i'll find the words!

but first! a funny story from today!!!

so i went to a teacher training RaG did too. there is a ten day team from Alabama in and i enjoy them so. they fascinate me. its been a bit since so many americans have been in the same room. they take photos of EVERYTHING, the remind me of asians. i'm not kidding we took them to our grocery store, they ALL got out and photographed it. dead serious. they are dear. anyway.....

i love training's and conferences. i think it reminds me of being in school. i miss being in class all day. researching and writing papers all night. i love learning.

anyway, we give out free curriculum to the teachers and they get their continuing head credits. there were 91 teachers that showed up today. it was awesome. i went to participate myself, but ended up helping. couldn't help myself *grins*

at the end my job was to total up numbers for the right amount of books. i would then turn behind me and tell my 'team' what the number was. they would then hand me the books and i'd either hand them to the teacher or signal one of our dashing gentleman friends to carry the books to the teacher's car. (side note: it was blazing today and those boys did an outstanding job!) so anyway, i would lift a lot of book at a time. but nothing like what i used to when i interned with OneHope myself overseas. 

seriously, i distinctly remember my june one year spent in a seaside Peruvian town and having to carry the boxes of books we'd need for the entire day up the 7 flights of stairs to the church, through the town since we had no vehicle and everywhere in between. i think i could carry 3 at a time. i know it was at least two boxes. you learned to carry a lot so you made less trips! so anyway, holding and lifting one box or just books from a box was not impressive (to me). i'm in probably the worst 'muscle' shape of my life and i'm totally happy with that *smile*. its amazing how nice it is to enjoy working out and doing active things because i enjoy them and not because i need to make time.

but, i do know my arms (and body!) get a workout with the boys in school. i'm constantly lifting and throwing and swinging. i guess its doing good, because one of the boys made a comment to a girlfriend of mine here that my biceps are really strong. ha! 

i think to a normal girl 'strong' is in no way cute or dainty or a compliment, but oh to me it just melted me. for real. i've always preferred to be in shape and strong then be cute to some boy. 

i'm a total geek, but might as well admit it....

....as soon as i got home today i went into the bathroom and flexed my "biceps" to check em out myself. i wasn't impressed. family, you would not be either. *smile*

hahahahahhaa

Happy Saturday *smile*

Tempest

Websters defines tempest as a violent storm.

i rather like that.

(edit: i stumbled upon this painting a bit ago. it is by Bridget Beth. one of my favorite etsy finds. link to her shop is HERE)

TEMPEST: a violent storm.

oh, i like that.

for He is a storm to me.
always has been.
sometimes He comes in softly, a gentle tide lapping the shoreline of my heart.
other times i feel He is a might typhoon. and i tremble in terror of the force He is.
sometimes i feel steady, feel secure on the shore.
my feet tip tap the sand and they nestle into little burrows with the shells.

the sea has always had a mystic quality to me. always been full of romance and terror.
both. always both.
terror because i'll forever have a fear of being swept out to sea.
romance because the scents, the spray, the crashing wave crescendo, blues and greens touching on the horizon, browns, tans, whites, mingling under my soles. its not controllable. it sings. its romance.

the Lord continues to speak to me in metaphors. using the sea. using water. using boats, the tide, rafts. He speaks little murmurs to my heart.
whispers of who He is. who i am.

sometimes i have felt fully engulfed in the sea.
waves overtake me and i'm drowning. i reach my hand up, i slip under the water and scream out for help.
but, help has come.
it has come in friends letting me go visit them at work and just rock back and forth on the ground as silent sobs escape from my heart.
it has come in musicals and dramas and students i never intended to know becoming friends.
it came in two sweet girlfriends moving in with me or allowing me to move in with them.
it came in brothers and guy friends who lifted and moved and boxed too many times.
it came in parents who continue to lather love over every inch of me.
it came in siblings. it came in flowers. it came in hand written cards.
help has come from Him. help still comes from Him.

i wrote a song a bit ago. it describes this all perfectly. lania plays it with me. she mirrors on her flute what i do on the piano. i dont even know what i do, i just 'do it.' i love when she plays along. it is heaven music.

i guess what i was thinking tonight and when i see this painting is how He is a tempest.
He is the tempest.
He is the sea. the waves. the crashing.
He is the mighty sea. 
so long i fear i feared him.
and well, i should have.
go for a swim. bask in the expanse of all He is.
He is all terrifying and good.

He is the pillar of fire by night. the cloud of glory by day.
He is all-consuming and small. small enough to see me. and to want to step in and reach me.
He is the one who causes the rain to fall on the clean and unclean...and who is ever clean beside Him?

He is the tempest. He is the storm of raging love and righteous mercy.
He is the steady hand that doesn't allow me to slip and fall off the edge. i will slip and fall, but only on sure footing. He holds me fast.
i am His little one, and He won't allow me to be lost in a sea.
He is my sea.

i think i'm only beginning to realize that i'm not tossed about unprotected. i'm not in a sea of lost circumstances. the sea isn't happening around me.
i am safe. i am in His hands. i am in His sea.


o blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! and i am His.

and He blows about me in a tempest of love and mercy and goodwill and hope and life and joy and holiness...
and i but float in all that He is.

*this book helped form a few of these thoughts. not all, but a few.
..........................................................................
just got done baking birthday cupcakes for dear rubin.
the cookbook was all afrikaans. i did ask banie to double check my translations. but i'm quite elated to announce that i translated it all by myself correctly. perhaps my afrikaans is getting better after all!
bekah 1, afrikaans 0
boo yeah, baby!

a gift of love, thanks, beth and kaleidoscope!

i seriously have 4 posts stored in my cue from this week. it has been too full. in all the best ways possible. i just haven't had time/energy to finalize each of them fully and post. ahhhhh

and it won't happen today!
today, my home church, Kaleidoscope, blessed me.
really, it was beth and jesse zimmerman (dez, you too, right?!?!), and they got the church involved.
i am speechless.
and giddy.
definitely giddy.

i have somehow managed to receive a care package from home every 4 weeks.
i'm not kidding.
even if its just letters or newspapers, something has come in the mail to me.
i can't help but be encouraged.
be reminded i am not alone here.
that i have a host of support and love back home "here" with me.
i am blessed.
oh, if every missionary felt such love and joy!!!

but for real.
this morning roelene tells me that she picked up a package for me.
i then hustled over to her house to get it, the boys in tow (of course), we're in prime school hours.
calvin and i sit on the floor while perfect plays with legos. we go at the duct tape. we giggle and wonder and pull and yank and fall into laughter.
we get it open. we see candy! we all squeal! the boys inform me over and over, "we like it! we like this!" i nod my head and tickle them.

we pull out goods, after goods, after goods. surprises. delights. its all too much to take in. i cry. the boys laugh. we rip open the candy. the boys take a rollo each. i try a trixx. gifts this good can not be kept secret. we grab handfuls and start to walk across the farm. we give candy to everyone we meet. we brighten everyone's day. we smile with satisfaction at each other.

it is such joy to share joy.

i am still full of glee. joy upon joy.
a french press and coffee. did i already say this? i can't remember.
a FRENCH PRESS and COFFEE, people, come on!!
how did they know? i have looked and looked. and leave empty each store.
o my gosh, tomorrow morning i will have REAL COFFEE to drink.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

thank you, beth! thank you for the gifts.
thank you for organizing all the letters from church and the kids.
thank you, o thank you, thank you!!
.......................................
SO much has happened today. i wanted to update my fb status 980 billion times. but i tried not to be so obsessive *smile*.

1. guess who's bracket is the best in the family so far?!?! thats right, ME! :-)
2. found out the Nomads moved my school yesterday! WOOT!
3. i just put a down payment on a car! if it passes the AA road test, it is MINE! ahhhhhhhhhh Glory to God!!!
4. the school is moving into a bigger building! i can't believe the mess, chaos, going on right now!
5. my home sending church, Kaleidoscope, just blessed me (and the farm) with easter candy and gifts from home.Bethany Zimmerman thank you for organizing everything and the extra "special bekah" things you included. i am humbled and blessed! wow!!!
6. this sentimental heart never got to say a proper "goodbye" to the old school building. o well, the new building is AMAZING!!!!
7. o my gosh, it is hitting me all over again that i have a french press and coffee. REAL coffee. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh JOY JOY JOY!
8. the boys are sleeping in the new building. i am organizing. in a few moments we're gonna go see some new zebra's on the farm!
9. wow. just saw 6 spanking new zebra's run out of a truck and call Shikwaru home. i love living here.
10. woo hoo its about to storm hard. bring on the COLD and RAIN! :)
11. its not even 4 pm! hahahahhahaha  my belly hurts from laughing and my cheeks are raw from smiling!
12. gonna watch the bulls play tonight with the african family. i love the family, i love the bulls, i love friday nights.

a bottomless sea, i like that.

"do you sometimes feel so thirsty for grace that you could drink the Jordan dry? more than a river could hold is given to you, so drink abundantly, for Christ has prepared a bottomless sea of grace to fill you with all the fullness of God. do not be frugal. do not doubt your Savior. do not limit the Holy One of Israel. be great in your experience of His all-sufficiency. be great in your praises of His bounty, and in heaven you will pour great treasures of gratitude at His feet."

~charles spurgeon

two simple things making me smile today, okay 3.

i found these two photos while bored and 'inspiration shopping online this week. 

i love photos. i love these two photos. 

makes me wistful and dreamy and happy feeling today.

ummm.....how freakin cute are these cups!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only i had money and a house to put them in. 

i love the polka dots. they are just happy.

can't you just imagine even water tasting sweeter when drunk from these cups??

currently i have been combining mango-squash Oros with soda water. the combination is exquisite and delightful. the bubbles make me giddy. make me smile. i can only imagine how good it would taste combined in cups like these.

and this dress?! should i say, dresses?!
adorable! it would be the perfect wedding reception dress. i've convinced myself at my wedding i am having two dresses. i always secretly wanted that before but felt it was too 'big city' and to expensive, but if i ever get married again you better believe i'll be changing between wedding and reception. and that second dress will be all vintage and fun and frilly like these two are.
aren't they amazing?!?!

the girl who wears these dresses will have a fun wedding. can't you see it? with balloons and streamers and banners strewn about. i can.

i can.

yesterday morning johanno was in a very lovey dovey mood. he just wanted to hug me and sit with me all day. he told me this in the early morning hours.
"Nice hair. Your hair is so pretty today, bekah." i replied thank you, smiled, and realized it would be a good monday. till not even 5 seconds later his brother added...
"No, its not nice today. It is boring."
at this point i about peed my pants. hahahhaa. i love how these boys think. i love their honesty. they delight me and make me giggle. it was a good monday indeed! *smile*

about wild storms, lost electricity, flying animals in your lapa*

this is about how my face was.

somehow, by the grace of God, i had skype last night for a good 40 minutes of this adventure. i had no internet and i had no electricity but skype worked?!?! who knows....

and so i shared, via airwaves, or satellites, or whatever it is that allows skype to work, this glorious adventure with one of my dearest friends, melissa. (LOVE YOU!)

melissa. thank you for just talking me through this! eish man!! please, do share your side of it all via comment. i'd so love to hear it, as would anyone else i'm sure *smile*

i was told, over and over by melissa, i looked like i was in a horror film

and, i so felt that way.

i have copied word for word out of my journal. enjoy.

shadows dart my page. i can scarcely see to write. terror. a bird now calls my lapa home. we mingle and chat. i call out: "don't mess," it tweets back: "we'll see." i write by candlelight. the heavens stole my light. all's well. it is late. the smell. the smell of fresh rain. long expected and rejoiced over. its come. oh, its finally come! it blurs my sight as i run, slip, and dance outside. it booms out to me: "go home." "go inside. stay safe little blonde amish girl. go home" 


the heat was too much. so i opened my windows to let the almost rain breeze soak the house. the cool air was needed. but then the rains began. strong. heavy. so much was falling over in my house from the wind. i had to run to catch things from breaking and it was annoying. not worth the effort of the cool breeze. so i scrambled to close the windows. only i hear a flutter. a flutter!

(by now it was dark outside. and i had no power. i was home about 30 minutes from church. oh, if i do this parenthesis and italics its me now. not my journal)


at first i assumed it was a bat. i've seen them. it had to be. i shudder. in my house! oi its in my house! i scurry and scream and stifle a giggle. i always laugh at the worst possible moments. when emotion overwhelms-amidst prayers and fears and tears-i giggle. i can't see anything! nothing. my laptop screen is it. the voice of a dear friend is all i hear as panic starts to weave onto my mind. a bat in my house. i can't see two feet in front of me. what to do?!?!

the voice of dear melissa calms me and keeps me in reality and not dream-mode. dream mode of bats biting my head and eating my hair and me becoming a weird black bat too. ah lord! you know how my mind wonders. this is it. my life is such an adventure! it flutters above my head. i grab a sweater though so blazing hot to cover my head with my hood.

(a self portrait. after we had electricity and i saw it was a bird. but after we lost power again)

lest it mess on me. i pray away its droppings. i pray for it to disintegrate and cease to be. but it is. i hear it. i can't see it. but its still here. it floats and nests above my head. i know van tonder's are asleep. i know lizzy will still be up. i call her. somehow we had phones without power. she says its ok to wake up banie and ask what he thinks and they live closer so could actually loan me a torch** or candles.

i call and wake them. tell me to simply leave the door open. all night? well, yes. blasted bat/bird! but i beg for a torch or candles. its awful scary in the dark. all darkness and this thing above my head. in my house. so roelene acquiesces and i gather courage to run to their house. pitch perfect black darkness engulfs me. i shudder. i pause. desire to go back to my house but i am determined to go on. 3 steps in blackness, then daytime-lightening strikes-i can see everything!-2 steps in light. now four steps in black, 3 steps in the light and on till i make it to their house. its so dark. worry about getting hit by the storm, getting blown over by the wind, or stumbling onto the buffalo.


(as i was pulling into the house from church the cape buffalo were in the field. we're talking not 50 feet from my front door. they are nicknamed the 'black death' for sneaking up on their prey. roelene and banie's house is between me and the field...so i kept praying the buffalo stayed in the field and hadn't wondered over to the house...ahhhhh)

the buffalo could be anywhere. again, i shudder. the doorbell doesn't work because we still have no power on the farm. i knock. silence. terror again begins to weave onto me. the little rain drops that were my companion as i ran to their house are no increasing ten-fold. still the on-off switch of the heavens dances across the skies. i knock again, finally the sound of a homey voice responds. the door opens. roelene, bless her, answers the door. i come in and out of the wet. i'm invited to stay over. easy decision. just as i've made up my mind to stay over-- stay in a home with a dad***. stay in a house unaffected by bats/birds. stay safe--the lights return.

(this is a face i made a lot to melissa as we skyped during all of this.)

i feel i can't stay over since the power came back. i am an adult. i am a grown women! but, i do take matches and candles just in case we lose power again. good thing, because i used them not 10 minutes later! still unsure where the cape buffalo are i begin to run back to my place as fast as darkness running allows. i return almost drenched. with the lights i see its a bird. not a bat. oooo a thousand happinesses for that discovery! but still it flutters haunt me! what a night.

i must go and write tomorrow the details. i just had to get it out when it was fresh. the shadows dance across the page, i can't see clear enough to create words. sleep comes as fluttering wings descend.

(this is what i looked like as i wasn't sure where the bird was but heard it....)

.......................................................
i wish i was inspired to really create last night for you. i'm so sleepy today. some sad news. my little bird friend committed suicide sometime between breakfast and lunch. when i ran to my lapa for a quick bite to eat at one this afternoon, i smelled something. lo and behold, the little yellow birdie lay dead at the bottom of one of my windows. i suspect it tried to fly out, and flew to hard, and killed itself. poor little yellow birdie. can't say that i'm glad it isn't part of my house though! *smile*
and with the death of the bird, my little saga is ended. just another night living on the game farm here
*grins*

(before i lost the skype connection with melissa. she suggested i take photos of myself to document this evening. so i did. of course, she could see the semi-lit up house and myself when i did and she started laughing watching me take photos of my scared face and trying to catch the bird. this made me laugh. which in turn created the above photo.)

(the best photo i got of the bird. i wish when the lights were working i thought to take one. this is so poor with candles and flash. the bird is that blob of dark brown just under the center roof beam. i refused to take a photo of it dead on my floor.)

i slept last night with a pet bird in my my house. what did you do?
...................................
*do any of you like sufjan stevens? i think half of why i love him is his song titles are always sentences long. not just a word or two, but sentences. i love that. genius boy he is. case in point, go here to just read the tittles of one of my favorites CD's of his. see?!? brilliant! you can't tell me you dont want to listen after reading those track listings!

**flashlight

***i guess i just grew up with superman for a father. i never had to worry about things like this. my dad took care of them. living on my own makes me acutely aware of the little things my parents, and dad in particular, handled. thanks daddy! wish nights like last night you were around to give me matches, or kill the flying vermin's, or laugh with me.

weekly roundup vol.3

a lot of the americans on the other side of the farm got haircuts this week. i'm jealous. i want to cut mine too. its too long. too not rebekah like. but the only person i trust with my hair is 3 hours away. so that sorta puts a damper on things. today i took some office scissors and cut some fringe.* it looks good if i do say so myself. i wish i had the courage to cut it all myself. but for now. i'm happy with my fringe.

in other news. its about to rain. i think so anyway. O praise the LORD! it has been FAR too hot the past 5 days. its been grossly hot. so some cooling rain is most welcome.....

here are some interesting links from this past week.

wow. this is literally 8 houses down from my parents. on the very street i grew up on. just nuts.

i think i could, most certainly, vacation, or live, at one of of these locations. just breathtaking.

i'm not a bit sad to say the only Olympic viewing i did this year was this commercial, and this one. both of which made me cry. both made me grateful for GOOD parents. parents that have laid their tears, prayers, encouragements, love, & time into me over and over.

accents make me giggle. here is 24 in less than 3 minutes. priceless!!!!

this is a sweet story. i saw it at church here back in november but was just sent the link again this past week. talk about making every day count and celebrating life.  i bet elliot and joeli are friends and play together up in Heaven.

it is no secret how obsessed i am with steven curtis. now his son is making music! HOLLA! *smile*

*fringe=bangs. isn't that cute?! i love it...i love saying i have 'fringe' and not "bangs." it seems so much more hippy and whimsical.