Tempest

Websters defines tempest as a violent storm.

i rather like that.

(edit: i stumbled upon this painting a bit ago. it is by Bridget Beth. one of my favorite etsy finds. link to her shop is HERE)

TEMPEST: a violent storm.

oh, i like that.

for He is a storm to me.
always has been.
sometimes He comes in softly, a gentle tide lapping the shoreline of my heart.
other times i feel He is a might typhoon. and i tremble in terror of the force He is.
sometimes i feel steady, feel secure on the shore.
my feet tip tap the sand and they nestle into little burrows with the shells.

the sea has always had a mystic quality to me. always been full of romance and terror.
both. always both.
terror because i'll forever have a fear of being swept out to sea.
romance because the scents, the spray, the crashing wave crescendo, blues and greens touching on the horizon, browns, tans, whites, mingling under my soles. its not controllable. it sings. its romance.

the Lord continues to speak to me in metaphors. using the sea. using water. using boats, the tide, rafts. He speaks little murmurs to my heart.
whispers of who He is. who i am.

sometimes i have felt fully engulfed in the sea.
waves overtake me and i'm drowning. i reach my hand up, i slip under the water and scream out for help.
but, help has come.
it has come in friends letting me go visit them at work and just rock back and forth on the ground as silent sobs escape from my heart.
it has come in musicals and dramas and students i never intended to know becoming friends.
it came in two sweet girlfriends moving in with me or allowing me to move in with them.
it came in brothers and guy friends who lifted and moved and boxed too many times.
it came in parents who continue to lather love over every inch of me.
it came in siblings. it came in flowers. it came in hand written cards.
help has come from Him. help still comes from Him.

i wrote a song a bit ago. it describes this all perfectly. lania plays it with me. she mirrors on her flute what i do on the piano. i dont even know what i do, i just 'do it.' i love when she plays along. it is heaven music.

i guess what i was thinking tonight and when i see this painting is how He is a tempest.
He is the tempest.
He is the sea. the waves. the crashing.
He is the mighty sea. 
so long i fear i feared him.
and well, i should have.
go for a swim. bask in the expanse of all He is.
He is all terrifying and good.

He is the pillar of fire by night. the cloud of glory by day.
He is all-consuming and small. small enough to see me. and to want to step in and reach me.
He is the one who causes the rain to fall on the clean and unclean...and who is ever clean beside Him?

He is the tempest. He is the storm of raging love and righteous mercy.
He is the steady hand that doesn't allow me to slip and fall off the edge. i will slip and fall, but only on sure footing. He holds me fast.
i am His little one, and He won't allow me to be lost in a sea.
He is my sea.

i think i'm only beginning to realize that i'm not tossed about unprotected. i'm not in a sea of lost circumstances. the sea isn't happening around me.
i am safe. i am in His hands. i am in His sea.


o blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! and i am His.

and He blows about me in a tempest of love and mercy and goodwill and hope and life and joy and holiness...
and i but float in all that He is.

*this book helped form a few of these thoughts. not all, but a few.
..........................................................................
just got done baking birthday cupcakes for dear rubin.
the cookbook was all afrikaans. i did ask banie to double check my translations. but i'm quite elated to announce that i translated it all by myself correctly. perhaps my afrikaans is getting better after all!
bekah 1, afrikaans 0
boo yeah, baby!