funnies in movie format

 ooooo so Christina reminded me that I have been meaning to share my favorite silly movie moments for awhile now.
I kept forgetting.
By the way, if you need cheap and chic fashion advice, she really is the place to be each day.
plus, Christina, you’re probably one of the funniest people ever!
hahahahaha i can’t even think of you without laughing. love you! :)




a bit ago i shared the movie moments that make me cry.
here are all the moments that no matter how often i've seen them,
make me laugh and laugh and laugh.

as i was saying here are some of my favorite FAVORITE funny
movies and movie moments.
ahhhhhhhh

oooo dear goodness

1. this is a first rate movie. it isn’t a comedy at all, i fact its one of the most heartrendingly beautiful stories ever, but it does have some moments that make me laugh harder than most "real" comedies. it is SO my humour and my brothers. for instance, this, and this.                                                                                                                    (i know some would be offened by this movie and what not, so i apologize if thats the case)
   
2. how can steve and martin be in a movie together not make the list?!?! welcome to the nineties. LOVE this movie....
   
3. never mess with a Sicilian when death is on the line! ah haha ah haha ah!
4. if i was ever to be in a movie, i would want this part. words can't express how much i LOVE doris and rock together. ooo thank you mom for making us watch classics like this growing up. a little pillow talk is good for everyone.
5. a movie that mocks beauty pageants and small town america is MY kind of movie. this movie is SO inappropriate but so hilarious...ooooo i love this part, and this one, and the boys. 
6. uhhhh reminds me of my childhood. i wanted to be with ferris. ok, ok, i still sorta do...
7. hahahahahahaha and brahahahahhahahahahahahaha
8. ok...i can't do this list without including something from this. i'm shamed to admit i've seen this movie. and i'm shamed to admit i found it clever and hilarious and so wrong. miss you brother.
9. this movie is brilliant. it helps so much that they are in love in real life.
10. can't have a list of funnies and NOT include this movie. this is not my favorite scene, but i couldn't find that on youtube. i settled for this and am not that disappointed. 
11. finally, a family classic. this movie is so silly. somebody stole my pants...

please share the movies that can always make you laugh....
ahhhhh laughter so good for the heart.

thanksgiving

i had all sorts of fun things to share today. but then i remembered it was Thanksgiving and i thought i'd share what my day was like. basically, it was normal.

if you are on "this" wall. i'm thankful for you.

if you aren't on this wall. i'm probably still thankful for you. i just dont have space. hahahaha
but really, i do lack space for my photos.

i'm really blessed with some amazing friends and family back home.

please notice the two pieces of white paper with the
squiggle lines
from my sweet niece Seana. 
she drew them just for me,
and my gram sent them over for me.
love them :)

also, SO thankful for skype.
i am currently sitting in the car
talking with not only my family
but my good family too.
LOVE it.
love it.
love it! :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

the boys repeat silliness

i'm trying to find beauty in the normal part of each day. its easier than it seems.
for instance: the following occurred yesterday and was marked in my journal. still makes me laugh so hard...

i had Madagascar two on the tv. i always let the boys watch a movie in the morning till we eat breakfast. it keeps them quieter as i finish preparing for the day and helps them wake up. this is the school favorite. and my own too. its just so cute and hilarious.

anyway, a part came on and johanno started laughing. then as soon as he stopped matthew did. then he stopped and rubin took over. then they all laughed together.
but it was (for all of them) their "fake" laugh's. it was the laugh they each do when they know something is funny,
but they don't know what, but still they want to be included so they laugh.
which makes me laugh SO hard. hahahah

then later in the day, we were about to start tracing different letters and i just had to quick finish sharpening the pencils for them. well, i finish and then the lead falls out of one of them.
completely.
i just shrugged my shoulders and said "o my gosh"
because it was a dramatic moment and i was semi frustrated but more humored.
then perfect just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and said: "o my gosh!"
said exactly like i said it!

it made me laugh SO hard!
then we both were laughing and soon all the boys were laughing with me too.

after that for whatever reason i said "mojo!" ha! i haven't used that word since the 90s.
but it came out like it was a natural part of my every day language.
i said, "man, this pencil has lost its mojo!"
perfect looked at me and shaking his head real sad like said: "its mojo...lost..."
hahahaha o my gosh it was hysterical!

also the boys have taken to blowing on dandelions and thinking they are butterflies chasing them.
they really see beauty in so much.
i love that any bug or thing that flies is a lovely butterfly.
you should see them squeal and chase after the butterflies.
they are adorable.

also, this video had me laughing harder than anything in probably the past two weeks.
giggles just burst from me and i couldn't stop.
i love ellen (sorry mom and dad. hey gram!)
and i am a
closet
josh groban fan. (can't believe i admitted that on the internet!)
and this video is just amazing. i love it. i love the matching outfits.
the vocals.
all of it.
if you need a laugh, PLEASE watch this video....amazingness...

hurricans and so's

so last week apparently there was a hurricane off the coast in the durban area.
so i was told.
i live way inland (i know not a one of you know exactly where i am on a sa map)
(i like using "so")

so, as i was saying...
it rained all of last week. crazy rain.
and the weather was freezing.
i even had the little space heater on in school, thats how chilly it got.

i sorta "canceled" school and we just snuggled under blankets watching movies
or playing with
play-dou
all day, each day.
thats one advantage to running and
teaching
your own school.
you call the shots.

i'm amazed,
truly,
that the boys didn't kill themselves
or me.

they are delightful.

but the storm was so bad it blew up our phone box.
so we have no phones or internet on the farm.
only, somehow i am getting a signal in my room?!?!?

i got my bible today! last sunday i was so giddy after playing piano
for over an hour after church,
i simply forgot that and my bag.
only, nothing in my bag bothered me to miss.
i felt like the sane and still part of me was missing all last week.
it certainly didn't help my outlook on life.
i know there are websites with it online, but it isn't the same.
sooooooo happy to have my bible back in my hands.
it looks so good to me.
joy!

so: happiest of birthdays to my last roommate!!!
i love you, melissa.
you've been so much more than a friend to me.
"super cool party people we party hard!"
"he shot his dad....." "....good for him"
"question: to i want to be feared? or loved? easy. both.
i want people to fear how much they love me"

bud, you are such a gift and living with you this past year was the best thing ever.
you're my opposite in so many ways, and i couldn't love you more.
i couldn't believe in someone more.
thank you for ceaselessly challenging me to love Jesus more,
and make the holy a bigger part of my every day.
you gave me a love (well, an enjoyment at least) for cleaning,
and a reason to bake for others.
it is your birthday.
we'll celebrate when i get home (and my mom has your gift! so you can either wait for it
or call her.)
love. love. love. love. love you.

thats all

what a fight is like....

i'll just throw out the disclaimer. this is long.
pages said "10 pages" eish.
i am long winded. its what always occurs when i'm honest.
i do have my mothers genes in me.
so feel free to skip ahead or behind. i don't write for you,
but for me,
its how i process and live.
and what brings joy.

God and i have been fighting a lot this week.

i’ll yell out to him:

“its not fair! i don’t care that 

you never said things would be

fair or easy, i want things to be

fair and easy!”

He gently whispers back after each attack:
“i’m here. would you stop being so peevish

and let me calm you.”

of course, i just want him to raise his voice 

making it a fair fight, but he doesn’t.

he won’t.

he loves me too much to yell at me (unless its VERY needed, he won’t. 

he knows i’ve been hurt by those (or one) who yelled to often and to much. 

he knows i’ll shut down...so he whispers).

his whispers are my undoing.

well, usually they are. 

usually his whispers are what bring back the sense of:

“ooooo yeah.....you do love me”

what am i doing running around on my own?

again?

again!?

“ahhhhhh sweet jesus, i am here. i am here. 

lets do this together; here’s my hand

and my eyes, they see you...i’m right beside you.

for now. for good. forever.

till i forget again.

and could you please rapture me enough in you and your love and belief in me,

that i won’t forget so soon this time?”

(i’ve digressed to how it should be between us...this week it hasn’t been....)

this week i’ve been exceptionally frustrated and fearful and confused. 

so i’ve been 

unyielding.

like a broken lover i’m breaking my beloved’s heart

and i know it

but i can’t stop

i don’t know how...

i’m not a quitter. i’d much rather not attempt something if 

i’m afraid i won’t like it or will want to back out later.

i don’t back out. or quit things.

i’m to stubborn and in moments arrogant to pull out. 

and i know He isn’t worried about me running away.

i have no where else to go.

no where.

but i will stop and i’ll pause

everything.

no more sharing my heart with him or anyone.

no more smiles on my face.

no more clear thinking.

no more desires.

no more ability to process and care.

just quiet and pensive i’ll meander through each day in 

a drug like induced coma.

not fully engaging or feeling. 

my best defense and only defense is to hide my heart.

it’s all i know to do.

and i’m good at it.

to good.

so good, i hate it.

with everything in me, i hate it...

but i can’t break the habits that have grown in me

from my personality and youth and childhood

and were perfected from rejection and betrayal by the one i loved the most.

hiding is my secret weapon 

that instead of destroying my opponent destroys me.

you’d think i would stop doing what hurts me.

you’d think?

but you’d be wrong.

if you’re honest with yourself, you know its terribly hard

to stop what is comfortable and so central to who you are.

so i fight myself this week as much as i fight him. 

i hate when we fight.

everything is screwy and miserable.

EVERYTHING.

nothing is right when i am not right with Him.

ooo and i’m still mad at him. even now.

not mad, necessarily; just frustrated.

i want my lover to be and do what he is not and will not.

i want his physical body, though his promised spirit 

is much better he says.

i want him to create a robot like spirit within me allowing me to act 

and think and be ever engaged in who i am in 

him and his love for me.

but thats not who he is...

i didn’t want to wait to write about all the glories of our mending.

our coming back together and the way he is so patient and restorative with me.

He is so patient and restorative.

always--

but i’m hurt and want him to know it.

so like a petulant child i’m still stomping my feet and pulling

out my pigtails...

to get his attention, so he doesn’t just know how hurt and upset i am

but literally feels it too.

of course it is doing no good. i am His and He is mine, 

and He knows all to well my hurt and pain.

but i’m disappointed in him (in life, in myself...) 

and all i know to do is be a brat and 

hold out longer.

i’m also very good at being a brat when i want to.

i don’t think i am very often 

(you’d have to ask my prior roommates and family for an honest answer),

but i can be a real good brat when i want.

we’ve been fighting. at some point i’ll cave in.

i’ll miss him hard enough

and 

that will be all.

usually no compromise has been struck.

he doesn’t compromise with me.

ever.

its at the same time singularly annoying,

and vastly assuring.

He is true, His word is true and i either accept it

or i don’t.

i have, and do, and always will...so i cave. 

if He has come to set me free. 

and freedom is the ability to choose.

choosing means i’m often far to 

ignorant to do what i want.

or is what i really want far less noble than i think?

hasn’t his mark on me been indelible? 

are my desires so immature and superficial?

i have chosen to use my right to fight....

and am miserable because of it.

ooo for grace to trust him more....

our relationship is so keenly marked by accusations and questions.

we’re not the sort that goes by life in a comfortable silence.

apathetic to each other.

we do have our comfortable silences; yes, yes we do.

but we’re both to full of passion and life to be quiet for long together.

in fact, we’re strong enough together, trusting enough of each other,

that its ok when i freak out and go to war with him.

of course, he’d rather i didn’t, rather

i could just trust 

all of him 

with 

all of me.

but he doesn’t mind when i shout,

or give the silent treatment.

he’s used to my games and knew exactly which tactic i’d use

in each situation as he knitted me together in my mothers womb.

my questions and doubts further prove i believe he is there and caring and listening.

i’m learning that.

if i really didn’t believe i’d just leave.

i’m not a leaver.

loyal to a fault 

through and trough.

and so it is with him.

so it is with us.

neither leaving the other.

but locked in a standstill of wills.

he persistently tender and present.

me bewildered and doubting.

.............................................

open heart surgery is a very big ordeal. 

its painful.

you’re in the hospital for a long time.

you go to rehab even longer.

your diet has to change, your lifestyle has to change.

your scar stretches across your sternum, under your ribs almost to your back.

its bold and lavish.

unmistakable.

so it is with me.

i wish it was just a simple incision that was made.

a quick visit to hospital, anesthesia in my airways;

i lay asleep.

the cuts are made,

the broken mended,

sown back together i wake in a cool state of euphoria because

i’m heavily medicated.

my surgery wasn’t so smooth.

i wasn’t asleep when the damage was done

and i wasn’t asleep when the first cut was made.

i’m still wide awake its morning each day as repairs are made in a 

slow systematic fashion.

i don’t understand the symmetry in restoration.

but i know He does, and today; that is enough for me.

emotional heart surgery is more vast then physical heart surgery.

people aren’t as gentle with you.

they aren’t as helpful
“let me bring you a meal. may i drive you to work? can i do anything for you?”

of course i’ve had my fair share of friends and family doing just that.

(and thank you. thank you with all that i am...)

but days go by and turn to months and next month will be a year and 

no one bothers to ask anymore, or offer.

do they forget? 

do they forget i wonder to myself that my heart was cut out 

broken and bleeding and

still isn’t fully mended?

does it matter?

it hurts more to think of my own forgetting?

days go by and weeks.

no months for me...but weeks...

does that mean my heart is healing? 

do i want to forget?

will that mean i’ve moved on and am whole again?

we’re far to afraid as humans when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart.

say what you mean, mean what you say and 

be courageous.

it is never bad or hurtful to be reminded on a forgotten day

by someone else that they haven’t forgotten.

no, no, to know you are thought of is a special sort of love indeed.

but please don’t all jump in now to say a kind word

or to ask the state of my heart.

care must be genuine or its bitter to the taste and 

painful to swallow. 

everyone says i’m being restored.

but that is so vague its exasperating.

i’m gonna ask the next person that says that 

what they mean by it?

am i not now who i was?

of course, i’m not. i know that...

but what am i not? or missing? 

that is in need of restoration?

will you know when i am restored?

it surely can’t mean a new name,

a new marital status, 

a new flesh to lay next to my flesh at the end of each day.

that is far to cheap and surface.

inevitably that could be part of it, but not the whole..

so what is it that will signify 

“restored”

in the bright neon lights that are my life?

see, i fight with him over this too....

over what restoration means

for me.

i don’t really care enough to wonder what it means for you.

some day maybe i will again.

but i have enough issues on my own accord to not care about another’s.

thats not true.

well, sorta.

if this is as good as it’ll get till i’m fully sanctified and home...

it is curse inducing.

and i don’t curse.

but its enough to make me want 

to throw a nice little f bomb 

or something with equal vulgarity and 

dramatics into my daily language.

this can’t be all there is...

but i have no grand dreams or wishes for more

i have only small prayers and fearful timid steps of faith.

massive questions i raise up to him and try and find the 

daily satisfaction in Him to let the questions be enough.

we fight when it isn’t.

and this week it isn’t enough.

his goodness isn’t enough.

his belief in me isn’t enough.

nothing special or extraordinary happened to cause this breakdown 

of faith and love.

just the slow build up of life.

reminding me i am ever dependent on him.

and a hot mess without him.

maybe tomorrow i'll have had it with myself and surrender.

maybe not.

there's less of a fight in me.

not only does sleep call me (its almost 2am!),

but like the balm of shade on a hot summers day,

writing always reminds me of what is true, 

and good and noble...

and He is all these things.

and for me

love.

he is love flowing in me.

always.

tonight i sleep knowing that...

a splurge, a movie, and marvin

once a week when i go into town to get my groceries i splurge on myself.
everyone here gets boxed milk.
milk that you buy in a packet of 6.
it stays in your cupboard. you only need to refrigerate the box you are currently using.
it is cheaper than regular milk.
regular milk being the kind i buy in the states.
i figure everyone does it, let me acclimate to life here and do that also.
but if the milk isn't in your coffee it just tastes so
wrong.
and it seems a little "off" to me that milk can just sit out and not go bad.
but whatever.....when in rome (or mokopane....) do as the romans....

so once a week i buy an 8oz can of real milk.
i call it "real milk" because it comes from the "cold" section of our store and it needs to either be drunk right away or put in your refrigerator.
i LOVE it.
it is my little "gift" of home to myself each week.
.............................
sometimes don't you feel like scriptures were written just for you?
i can read passages in the Bible over and over and somehow
someway
i'll read it again and its brand new.

i think Isaiah was thinking of me when he wrote this:
for it pierces straight to my heart.
and is as autobiographical as any scripture i've ever read....
 Isaiah 54:5-6

For your Maker is your husband—
       the LORD Almighty is his name—
       the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
       he is called the God of all the earth.

  The LORD will call you back
       as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
       a wife who married young,
       only to be rejected," says your God.

i've been rereading Isaiah this spring and it just makes me miss taking my Isaiah course at LBC. i think that class was one of my favorites. one of my hardest classes too.

Isaiah is such a rich book the class was full of so much goodness...

......................................

this morning (last night for him), my brother and i FINALLY skyped. LOVE you, joey!!! it was so nice to see your face and talk as you get ready for bed and i get ready for work. if you don't have a chance to see that movie, we'll go together when i'm home! but you're gonna love it. it is "our" type of movie. love you brother....

................................

i decided to show Sleeping Beauty to the boys in school yesterday. i've been holding off because though it was my favorite Disney movie growing up, it is also a little on the girly side. and since i have all boys (STILL!) in school, i figured i'd spare them.

but it was a cold and rainy day yesterday and it felt fitting for some sleeping beauty action.

only, i don't think the boys liked it!

if the prince was on they were excited and into watching it. but anytime he went off screen they kept saying:

"push play, bekah! push play!"

i'm not sure if it was SO boring to them,

or if the animation wasn't cool enough.

but either way, they felt it wasn't even playing;

which was cracking me up.

and because every blog is better with a photo. here is my good friend Rhumbi and her son Marvin with me at the Christmas party last week.

when two cute boys run up to you smiling and holding pretty red flowers in their hands,

you

ALWAYS

accept and then

place them in your hair.

here's to having little boys who

appreciate

beauty

as much as their teacher does.

and also, for little boys who

love me and love making me smile.

i do think i have the best little students this side of the Atlantic.

oooo Jesus may I teach them your heart and your ways better tomorrow than i did today.

isn't it nice?
nice
to feel like you are exactly where you are supposed to
be?

even if that place is
dangerous
or scary,
and at moments lonely
and confusing,
it is glorious to
dwell there.

and the moments it isn't
making you question your sanity,
it is making you glow in joy
and fulfillment.

worth transcends circumstances.
beauty is found in mundane activities.
my boys laughing and running around
is what keeps me steady.
steady and
present in every moment of every day.
................................................................................

i just painted my nails brilliant rich red.
nothing gloomy about red nail days;
they are full of adventure and sassy-ness.
tonight i'm going as a 50s housewife to our end of the year dress up party for the nomads.
i'm quite pleased with my get-up.
i really just love any excuse to wear red lipstick and paint my nails red and hand out cookies.
its basically my perfect day.

Jesus has been really good to me....

my dad got here on sunday! this was literally only moments after i saw him! we probably hugged for like 2 minutes and then got this photo snapped.

i was very happy to have him here. even lugging his bags through the parking garage was magic.

i'll describe our every waking and sleeping moment together another day. right now i'm just beat.
i had to drive and drop him off at the airport last night. well, i didn't actually drive, but i was along for the ride in the car which basically counts...
it was after midnight till i got home.
i've had to many late nights and early mornings since last thursday. i can tell i am on the edge of a sinus infection but i'm fighting with all the ooomph i have in me.
i'm not in the mood to be sick.

this morning i picked up my visa from the home affairs office!! i'm no longer illegal.
while there, two arab men were behind me. they noticed my accent and asked where i was from. i answered them in arabic (you should have SEEN their eyes!).
i really love speaking the little bit i know of other languages because your native language is like your "home," and just communicates so much more than mere words.
i guess i shouldn't have let on that i can read arabic and make very small talk.
within 5 minutes i was offered my pick of the single men in the town.
i was told: "doctors, lawyers, electricians, whatever you want we find for you tomorrow!"
i was flattered (i think?) but not interested.
they kept persisting and saying how marvalous this was.
after them wanting to know why i kept saying no, i finally said
"i love Jesus."

not only did that shut them up, but they literally turned their backs to me.
granted it wasn't probably the nicest move i have ever made, and will probably have closed any door that might have been opened to be their friend but its the truth.
but i don't think anyone has ever gone from being my friend to finding out i love Jesus and turning their back to me.
they turned their backs to me and didn't acknowledge me the rest of our shared line waiting time.
i guess i don't have my pick of the single men anymore....
bummer.

having my dad here to show my favorite foods, places, people, and
least favorite food, places, and people
was wonderful.
i don't really have "least favorite people." but if i did, i wouldn't introduce him to them anyway :)
it was my worlds meshing.
i loved having him see me functioning and thriving. but more about him and our time together later.

tonight was our RAG Christmas program. to say i've been stressed and nervous is the understatement of the year.
my boys sang and it was amazing.
they were adorable.
i wanted to share with everyone how much the Lord has blessed me in bringing me here but i couldn't stop the tears from falling and that was without opening my mouth and getting up off the table. so i thought it best to stay sitting.

but really.
this is such a healing place for me.
every day i am built into so much i don't know what to say or think most times. its too much to even process and digest.
teaching these little rascals has been the biggest joy i can muster to think of...
having the full confidence from my bosses is something i don't take for granted a second, but they really let me go and do what i want in the school;
because they believe in me.
and i feel it.
and i know He is using all this to restore to me worth and value and i just am so blessed to be here.

can i just say how much i love jj heller. 
if i could ever write like her,
have a husband that supports me in my music by helping me on stage and off,
and an adorable baby girl like her,
i'd be very happy.

and, i mean,
i'm already very happy and satisfied in life, but man;
she is amazing...
her music is Jesus's gift to me for every rainy and sunny day and all the days
in between.

she's also a very crafty lady and her blog is such a source of encouragement, laughter, and inspiration!

for further proof that she is delightful,
she's giving away her Christmas ep for free. 
you'd be an idiot not to go and get it!
you'd also be an idiot to only get that cd. 
may i kindly suggest you do yourself the biggest favor ever and purchase another (or 2! or 3!). 

she's just too wonderful.

............................................................................................

this is all little bits i stole from my journal last night...

i'm a little sleepy today and not able to formulate something fresh.

so enjoy some leftovers *smiles*

11-3-09
overheard (and seen) on the playground today. Rubin and Calvin standing next to each other. shoulder to shoulder. Rubin is holding a massive piece of metal we’ve affectionately called “the gun.”       Rubin: “you ready? Calvin, you ready with your gun”
Calvin (lifts up his arm, holds up his finger and thumb and yells “bang bang” real loud) they run off together chasing all the lions we have in the fence.
.............
today the boys thought it would be nice if they put me to sleep.
i don’t know why i’ve never played like this with them before.
we play “pretend” anything and everything so often
its strange that i only now “pretended” to sleep for them.

Perfect sat on the long bench and said: “bekah, come, you sleep.”
so i gently let my head fall to his lap and closed my eyes so
i could be sleeping.
he instantly started humming to me,
patting my head with one hand,
and the other hand rubbed up and down my stomach lightly.

i don’t know why i am surprised, but i think they will always be surprising me.

he was doing everything i do.
every hand moment, every light whisper, every pat of assurance
was given to me as i had given it to him.

and though it was my little 4 year old crazed student
the love was genuine and i felt so comforted and safe.
if i was tired and not the teacher, i would have been sleeping in a few moments!

its now become the favorite thing ever for me to fall asleep on them! they just LOVE it. they all want to take a turn having me sleep on them, it kills me....
...............

i love them. i love them each so much it blows my silly american mind. everything they do delights me, even when i'm furious and exhausted and wonder if they will ever understand the difference between black and blue, i love them.

the great reverse

there is just TOO much i want to share today!
i hate "hodgepodge" posts that are all over the place, but I also want to say all of this today.
SO:
Lauren Glova: YOU CAN DO IT! i know you can.
i love having you as a friend, and girlfriend to my brother.
i know everything falls down at the same time on us and its discouraging but hang in there!!! in such a short time i'll be home and we can talk about movies and books and watch the office again, ok?
i believe in you and believe you're gonna make such a difference in this world!
love you and happy birthday one day early! :)

i found PHILADELPHIA cream cheese at the store yesterday! JOY OF JOY!!!!! i am LOVING it :)

my dad is coming soo soon i can't almost believe it....

and now for a bit of seriousness and history 101 with rebekah:

*ahem,* pull up a chair and grab some coffee!

6 years ago i set out on what i thought would be a 3 month journey. 

things are never what they seem, are they?

i had no idea the people i would be embarking on this great adventure with would become some of my dearest friends; that they would become my family.
i had no clue the extent of poverty we would see and interact with daily.
i didn't realize the depth of human suffering and how those who have lost everything
can still smile and
dance.
i didn't think it was possible to eat such spicy food, to sleep in such broken-down places and go days without a shower;
but it is.

i didn't know i was so insecure, so dependent on my families belief in Jesus, so immature
 till i was away from everything and everyone that was familiar to me.

Jesus became my savior, my friend, my sustainer on that trip. He was mine. I fell in love and grew leaps and bounds in trust during those three months in West Africa.

this post is so bittersweet to me...

sweet because it was one of the best experiences of my life. bitter because it was one of the hardest things i've ever done...and i miss my teammates almost daily...

i have a thousand and ten thousand more memories tied to my team and time in west africa. 

i am blessed because in the very beginning of our time together a documentary film crew followed us around. 

the goal was to create a sorta mini-series off of our time, or a full length movie of our time 

for churches to show their youth/young adult groups.

within a few months they had finished short trailers and shared clips of what was edited together to us.

it was phenomenal. spectacular. 

i was so proud that i was part of something that i knew God would

use to help bridge the gap between 

"i can't do anything for Him,"

 to 

"wow, this is feasible, i'm just a normal person...if they did it, so can i."

but that was 6 years ago.

and though i've never for a moment forgotten the fact that this crew of 5 people lived with us those first few weeks overseas, i had almost stopped believing it would ever be released. 

what can i say, i'm practically a pessimist. 

living most of my life on that fine line between 

realism and pessimism.

but this past September it was released! 

i've been receiving emails from my teammates that its wonderful and all sorts of other 

sappy "teammate" things.

but seeing as i live in Africa it would be a bit till i saw it. 

or so i thought!

i just got it in the mail yesterday! and of course the instant work was over, i watched it!!

and as i watched it, 

i wept...

tears of joy remembering the silly moments.

tears of sadness remembering some of the things we saw and encountered. 

i just was so emotionally overwhelmed seeing what we prayed for and experienced be brought to life in such a real, vivid, beautiful way.

i remember at first finding it very awkward that a little microphone was attached to my shirt and knowing that about 30 feet away there were men filming my every move. but after a day or two it was such a comfort knowing i was never alone. even when surrounded by hundreds of kids and no other white person in sight, i knew that if i spoke a simple "help," the guys would put down their cameras and come get me, or at least show their face so i was reassured of their presence.

it taught me a beautiful lesson in the nearness of God. 

almost every night we'd have special "one-on-one" moments with the camera digesting the day. as i'm not the most vocally comfortable person it was very difficult sharing what my heart and mind were processing. so much of that time sadly didn't make it on the film for any of us (i mean, with 8 teammates and only a little bit over an hour much has to be cut...), but i know the level of trust and openness me and that camera developed. 

and i LOVE what they pulled from us along with the work we did...i couldn't be prouder to have a small part in this documentary.

Chip and the rest of the guys at Fearless Films did such an amazing job. the film is being released on INO records (love them...) and you can buy it NOW! 

AND it ships internationally (hence how i received it...).

if you aren't convinced you want to get it, just watch the trailer and let it work its 

magic on ya!

or read this (one of many) reviews of the film. 

you can go here and buy it yourself!!

GO buy or watch "NOMAD: the great reverse"

you won't regret it...

formal parties

Saturday Lo and I threw what was supposed to be a "Fall Party" at her house. Only, we realized very fast we had nothing we needed for a typical fall party. No pumpkin to carve, no costumes to wear, no store to find/make costumes from, no apple pies, no pumpkin pies, pretty much everything we wanted we couldn't' find...

So we improvised.

We decided to still use the recipes we love that are sorta "fallish/creepy," and have everyone dress up in nice clothes.

I'll say it over and over a thousand times but EVERY party is a 100 times better if it is a dress-up party. Find a theme and go with it. Trust me....

Since we were supposed to sky dive (again!) in the morning but it was canceled Shawn was around all day to help bake and cook and clean. There is no way Lo, Nathan and I could have done it without him helping.

Lauren and Shawn were in charge or making our "moldy biscuits" only they deleted the recipe and improvised while I was out making some phone calls on the only part of the farm that had reception. hahaha, i return and this is what I see.

somehow they managed to add ALL the buttermilk and they dyed all the mixture green instead of random "moldy" spots. hahahhaa LOVE them...somehow the biscuits weren't that bad, either...amazing.

watched a glorious rugby final on tv together. got to love being a Blue Bull...yeah baby!!!!

fritz and richard started off the "formal" part of the evening by dancing. 

 i love that our boys were all wearing black...they crack me up.

all the ladies...

plus richard who just "had" to be in the shot.

the fellas looking super macho with their arms crossed..

i'm sorry fritz and nathan....but i HAD to include this..its just to wonderful....

 

i have a very sappy, happy post for tomorrow...i almost wanted to switch everything for today but i had already uploaded these photos...leah, i hope you know you are missed and loved.