anxiety and a happy birthday

Happiest of Birthdays to my dear, Marcia!

if i could, i'd hug you like this. the kind of hug that lasts for a good few minutes...that induces (or soothes) tears, the kind that makes us pull apart to gaze into each others eyes and cause giggles to erupt because we're silly and emotional and we know that and don't care... yes, yes, i'd give you that sort of hug today.

Celebrating you here in Africa today!!

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in other news...i heard probably the best sermon i have ever listened to (EVER!) yesterday.

i (like millions of other Americans) have become encouraged by Matt Chandler and his church in the past two weeks. i seriously can't even remember how many friends of mine have had him as their fb status update to pray, or who have tweeted about him, or how many blogs i follow that have been dedicated to him. Matt is the head teaching pastor at The Village Church in Texas, 35, husband and father of (2, or 3...can't remember just now) kids and woke up Thanksgiving morning to a seizure. THis lead doctors to find a cancerous tumor in his brain....His story i believe is being used by God so much to bring hope and reality to what a relationship with Jesus looks like as opposed to "the christian religion," of which, i'm sure i'm not the only one that is disenfranchised and fed up...

well, all of this led me to check him and his church out. and i could not be more blessed and encouraged. i love listening to sermon podcasts. its like free church. free food. its wonderful. if i listed all the "churches" i subscribe to, you'd think i'm a junky *smiles*.

well, i'm listening to his churches podcasts and i stumbled upon one titled:

"The Age of Anxiety"

very daunting, isn't it? i haven't fully blogged about my own anxiety. i want to. i think its necessary to share what you know and have lived. isn't that why we go through things? to help others through them? another time i will, but to sum it up: i'm a high A perfectionist (in certain areas of my life) so i think i always had little moments of anxious stress. however, my real journey of anxiety began towards the end of my marriage. i was having multiple panic attacks every day. the worst was driving home after work. sometimes (most times) i cried the whole way home and had to pull over because my heart was racing knowing i was almost home and not sure what would await me there. its terrible to live in near constant fear. i started going to counseling and was prescribed medicine to help me not lose it (literally, i was so close to that). linda, my counselor, saved my life. i don't even feel bad saying that because i know Jesus gave her to me to help me process having a husband betray every vow he made. i know that Jesus used her to be Him to me.

this is already becoming longer than i want! hahahahahah! *smiles*

raise your hand if you're surprised?!

i was on medicine to help me process things and not kill myself for 19 months. yes, i was that low on and off (but thats also another post...). i really need to describe my opinion of depression, anxiety and medicine another time too. i want to tell you about this sermon today.

its wrecked me...

please do yourself a favor and go download the sermon from Itunes. its long, over 40 minutes..

but WORTH it.

go to podcasts. type in "The Village Church" and search for "the age of anxiety" then click "get." its free and takes about 5 minutes or less to download it.

some highlights for me:

• were the statistics on anxiety in the US. i know i have contributed to the statistics but it still is shocking.
• how he showed me anxiety is idolatry using Matthew 6. (can you say, ouch?!)
• anxiety is sin (can you say, ouch, again?!?). let me say it again, anxiety is SIN.
• anxiety stems from us on some level not really believing that God cares for us. we might functionally believe in him, but it doesn't change the way we live so we don't really believe it. (ouch again!)
  
• anxiety exposes our lack of faith in God, in Jesus.

Then he shows us ways we can begin to repent from anxiety and live in peace. In this part i enjoyed:

• how he encouraged us that only by memorizing and meditating on the Truth of God will our anxiety fade. what he has promised me. 
• admit our anxiety and believe that worry is sin and ask Him for help. 
• ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what specific things are causing our idolatry (anxiety).
• you can't do it alone. in this text in Matthew,  Jesus was talking to a group of people, a group of people living in community, you will need others to help encourage you and exhort you to so much more.
• his diatribe on medicine. why? because it did convict me, but he also didn't negate medicine compeltely. 

i find that pastors/Christians either load up like crazy on medicine, or they think you are not a real christian if you go on it. i found the balance and the way he talked about it to be so closely associated with my own.

i summarized things here because i truly (sadly) doubt any of you reading this will go and download the podcast to listen for yourself. i really wish you would. it seriously is a brilliant exposition of scripture on a topic that is ravaging the US (and the world).

i found it practical and deep.
he closed with one of the psalms giving a "case study" of what it looks like to be anxious and repent and overcome that.
please, please go listen to it. you'll thank me. your children (now or future) will thank me, your legacy will thank me.