Its probably not right (or normal!) to also be in the middle of a lot of books. Currently I am down to 5 which is fairly good for me. I finished two last week. I just can't finish one book and then start another, I have to have multiple going on at a time. I've always been like that.
But anyway, I am trying to finish this book before I go home and since no one is around the farm anymore I have more free time. Its been quite glorious actually. I just sit and read most of each day. I LOVE it.
Daring to live on the Edge is the name of the book and I'm liking it a bit more. I liked this recent chapter at least. The author is talking about faith and trusting God with our lives and our money.
My favorite line is the one I italicized. wow.
"...have you ever thought about the process God designed for us to go through as infants? Woldn't it have been easier without gravitiy? Toddlers could leap and float about instead of struggling to stand. But that struggle is necessary to help develop our growing muscles.
Similarly, if we never have needs in our lives, if we can do everything without God's help, how can we learn to trust Him? The disciples in Luke 17:5 cried, 'Increase our faith.' They had seen Jesus do so many miracles. Surely He could instantly impart faith to them. But they had to go through the same process we do. Like life breathed into us, faith is a gift from God. But for our faith to increase it must be used and tested."
I'm thinking my faith muscles have not been stretched a lot recently. I hear all the time how brave it is to move across the oceans and uproot everything that once was...but its not to me. It's never been hard or brave to do things like this for me. In fact, in some ways, its easy. I've been really trying to let go and step out in faith believing He will meet me in those places. My faith has been crippled, and like any muscle it is painful trying to re-learn and rehab what once was. But I don't even want what I once had. I want something stronger that will last longer.
When I had my knee surgery it was a pain the butt. Or...pain in the knee cap and hamstring. hahaha
It was awful. I remember waking up in the middle of the night from pain and not being able to take more medicine. I remember on the third day my dad taking AWAY my crutches because I needed to "just do it" and begin using that leg and those muscles again. I was not a happy girl in those moments. Its one of those things that in hindsight I'm glad I had a dad that forced me to do that, but in the moment I wanted to think up strange and unusual forms of torture to inflict on my dad instantly.
But anyway, learning to bend my leg was the worst and the hardest. It was agonizing. Just thinking about that makes my leg and knee almost begin to hurt again now; 7 years later! I never thought I'd be able to stand on that leg and bend it. Surely it would never bend as much it used to.
But I persevered. My parents made me persevere. I had three weeks to rehab it and regroup till I was leaving for three months for west africa. I had three weeks to get it to a point that I was capable of using it. I had no choice but to work tirelessly on getting my leg back in shape. By the time of my surgery my leg had atrophied so bad from lack of use that I not only had regular surgery to recover from but muscle mass that needed to be built back up. It was a broken process.
I did it though. I recovered. I gained full movement back in my leg. I still favor it a bit (I probably always will. You're just always aware of your past scars aren't you?!?!) but it works great.
I worked very hard to train those muscles to get their act in gear and work again. And the stretching....oooo the stretching was so painful. It was in little centimeters that I gained movement some days. Continuous use and practice is what allowed me to finally bend my leg the way I can now. In fact, compared to most people with similar injuries and surgery I have more movement then any of them. I think that is because I worked my butt off to get back to where I was prior to being hurt. That and I think the Lord was merciful.
I need to start really working out my faith. I used to score highest in "faith" in every spiritual gift test ya know. I think I'd still score very high (since when did we start neglecting the Christian faith to tests and formats and systems?!?! but thats another post....) but not as high as I used to. I haven't really done anything that makes me stretch out in faith that I'll fail miserably if He doesn't show up. Well, doing the coffeehouse in July was a big thing for me...but thats been about the biggest thing in a long while.
all that to say I better start exercising my faith more or its gonna get weak and fail me.
and that would suck my friends....that would suck big time....
ps: just finished my Christmas card and I feel like SUCH a grownup!!! its my first time EVER making a Christmas card and I'm so proud of myself! wanna see it?!?! You'll have to wait till its arrived where it should (ie. your home) but to tide you over, here is a photo I saw this week on the www and it makes me happy! isn't it adorable?!?! isn't this little girl adorable?!?! ahhhhh i can't wait to be back home in cold PA weather and break out my tights! Oooooooo yesssssssss
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