seana, my flower girl

tonight, finally, abi and i were able to skype. we normally talk every day. even if just a few moments. but its been over 2 weeks since i saw her, or my beloved babies:

my sweet first born, seana jane, and my little namesake, sadie may.

i love those girls.

seana was adorable as she smiled real big and told me she had very exciting news to share.

she got real close to the camera and proudly exclaimed how she is gonna be a flower girl this year!

i wish the world could see her delight. and pride. 

she is an image of beauty.

our cousin, molly, is getting married in july and asked seana to be her flower girl.

oh, the memories it brought back! memories of abi and i. flower wreathes in our hair. frilly dresses on. princess shoes. we were flower girls more times than i can count, and each time was so special. a day, a memory, i have yet to forget. 

it is such a big deal to me being asked to be a flower girl. such a big "step" in a little girls life. seana is at the age she'll remember the day. she'll remember thinking it was her day. and thats ok. because its good for her to store up memories of her being doted on and cherished now. its good for her to be involved in a good wedding and marriage celebration. its good for her to be a princess too. good for her to be silly and dress up and live her childhood. 

but, it made me dearly sad. i cried a bit getting off the phone. you'd think seana was getting married for how i felt. i was so sad knowing i'd miss out on Molly's wedding. i'm even more sad now. being an aunt does strange things to your heart.

she is not a little baby anymore. 

she's growing up. big moments in her life are happening. they aren't waiting till the Lord moves me back home, they aren't slowing down. she's growing. i'm missing some of her best years. i'm missing sadie's first steps. i cant get that back. time isn't pausing while i do and live and be where the Lord has called me to be. 

i love that little girl. 

i love every time i see her on skype. i love every photo. i love every story of her "stealing" her mom's cell phone to call her grandparents. i love her silliness and stubbornness. she is growing. she is now at "flower girl" age. soon, she'll be a "junior bridesmaid," then it'll be time to date, then for prom, then for college....driving....her own marriage. i don't want to look back and feel i missed out. but it'll happen. for all that i try and do and keep in touch, being here requires and necessitates i miss out on things. special milestone things in her life.

i counted the cost again tonight. sometimes i joke that for all that i miss out with family i better get another jewel in my crown in Heaven. and i might well. but, i can't imagine a jewel rare enough to satisfy missing out on the girls growing up. He is my jewel. He is the reason i sacrifice living where i am comfortable. living with my family and friends. because i do believe being where He has called me is worth it. and i do believe He is worth it. and the peace that He gives me to continue walking where He illuminates is what gets me through moments like this....

and, seana jane, your aunt bebek is so stinkin proud of you! oh, how i love you, sweet girl. what a beautiful little flower girl you're gonna be.