and imagine the smile that is stretched across my face knowing it is now
Christmas Season
and i may listen (without being made fun of) to
all 5 of Sufjan's Christmas CD's.
by far in my top five favorite Christmas releases ever.
Sufjan is such a genius. i adore him.
plain and simple.
sometimes i connect so much with things other people have said
or written
or sung
its as if a piece of my heart and soul was the
paltry inspiration
laid bare for all
to see.
its as if a part of
me
was created when their thoughts and feelings were
transmuted.
spoken, written, imagined,
words and the images they conjure
move me in a way few other things in life can or do.
music could be the only exception. sometimes i can hear a piece of music
and be silenced.
i feel as if i could have written all this.
i certainly think this.
"I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition- that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.
It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are- even if we tell it only to ourselves- because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing.
It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being a human is all about.
Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where are secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is all of our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.“
- Fredrick Buechner, Telling Secrets
- Fredrick Buechner, Telling Secrets
ooo good ole Fredrick. i cold read a book of his every day and never grow weary of his writing.
his candor moves me in a way that is
sweet and simple, as well as
provoking and enriching.
he's like a tall glass of pink lemonade fresh from the fridge
on a balmy summers night.
surprising, delightful, refreshing.
isn't it so true that the thing we want most in life;
or perhaps i shouldn't speak for you. so,
what i desire most in life is to be seen and known.
fully and irrevocably.
but its so unnatural, huh?
to be naked and unashamed...
a despite striving for Eden, for what was and what will one day be again.
but isn't now.
i layer my clothes to hide myself.
careful attention is put into camouflaging
areas i'm insecure about and don't want "you" to see.
i layer my emotions, my heart.
even more careful attention is far too often put into
camouflaging the parts of me i'm afraid to let "you" see.
my friends say the thing they love most about me is how
utterly honest i am.
and the way my heart lays bare in my hands.
too often i'm too open.
able to pierce the distance of time and space and express
how my heart beats and why it beats.
and how it breaks and what makes it break.
such a strange vast desert of joy and sorrow the human heart!
i'll share to my heart is silenced and leave still feeling as if
i'm not fully known.
as if more secrets have welled up that need telling.
tomorrow, tomorrow. tomorrow
i'll share more. tomorrow i'll kiss the moon and wake the dawn
with as much fullness and abundance as i was given.
i was given it all. i was given an awful lot.
enough to not be afraid.
enough to invite others into sharing their secrets.
enough to delight in the fact that He knows all my secrets;
that He is all my secrets.
every fleeting or sustaining thought i have is begun and ended in thoughts of Him.
i try and be honest when i share on here.* it is usually not very easy at all.
but all i know is to be myself and few places allow me the format to
think and ponder while writing as this does.
i write for me. it is as necessary to me as breathing. if a single soul
never managed to read another entry
i'd still write as i do now.
this is where i spill my secrets in the hope that you can spill yours too.
and by sharing our secrets we can grow.
we can learn to love each other.
we can learn what it means to bare with each other,
pray for each other and
believe in each other.
today i'd like to say that tomorrow i'll share a secret i just am
beginning to realize in myself. okay, i have
been smacked over the head by it this week.
but this post is long enough..
share a secret with me, please?
go ahead, its liberating.
terrifying, yes; yes, yes, of course.
but necessary and lovely.
*because i was asked what the purpose of this blog is, why i write, etc....
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