$23.08..... (also) 100

...this is how much i was given today from a respectable jeweler in lancaster for my wedding band and engagement ring. i probably could have gotten a bit more if i held out,
or had time to go to different places and compare prices.
but i was just glad to be rid of it and get anything  i didn't care it wasn't a lot.

on thursday i also threw out every single letter, card, sentence or anything
jordan ever gave me. that was harder than getting rid of the rings.
i guess because it seemed like he meant what he wrote.
whereas i never for a moment felt the meant his vows and ring.
within hours of saying "i do" someone different than the
boy i fell in love with emerged
and why his dislike of me and marriage and keeping his vows couldn't
have happened 10 hours before i'll never know....
shame.

it feels so good to be rid of both of those.
good.
and free and just nice.
......................................
today is the 100 post on this new blog. i'm not even sure how many posts i have on my old blog but its safe to say it could be very close to a thousand.
here is that first post here.
its nice for me looking back and seeing the growth that the Lord has done in me.
what he has re-birthed and
done new.
He is always good.
always.
i'm so blessed seeing him literally come through time and time again for me.
.....................
this afternoon i spent an hour at my grandpa's.
it was joyous and heartbreaking at the same time.
its hard knowing someone you love so dearly will
in reality probably not live to see you again.
old age and sickness are the bane of my existence, of his...and time does not
slow down.
i think the thing i appreciate most about my grandpa is how he has selflessly loved my aunt and taking care of her since she was a little baby.
my aunt was one of the first people ever diagnosed with Retts syndrome.
ever since i have memories i remember how she was so small for her age, how a word has never left her lips in my presence (or ever), how, how she walked around constantly, how she clasped her hands tightly together.
my grandpa provides constant 24-7 care for her. feeding her.
changing her diaper.
dressing her.
showering her.
loving her.
even today, the majority of our conversation revolved around him describing how simple joys in life and how the school she was at to give him a 5 hour break each day refused to let her walk.
she forced her to sit.
she doesn't like to sit. so he removed her because she loves walking.
it was as simple as that to him.
some of the biggest joys i have ever known have been talking with her, tickling her and getting her to smile and laugh.
my aunt has the most beautiful smile and laugh.
she loves me. i know she does and i know she knows who i am.
how people can say that people like my aunt are worthless humans and should just be aborted
are idiots. they just don't understand.
my aunt has brought such joy to my life. she does understand what is going on.
grandpa said again today how she responds to different things he says in a way that only someone who comprehends can.
seeing my grandpa love her has shown me such perseverance and what real love is like.
what a legacy he has given me.
................................................
last night at 1130 my mom found some paperwork i have been missing needing very badly.
i spent two entire days (okay, okay,the first day it was only probably 3 hours *wry grin*) looking.
last night around 6 i even got misha, lauren and joey involved too. i needed help and they helped me look.
of course, we didn't find anything and i had given up.
i just sat immersed in my book in the living room because i was frantic from packing, from not finding what i needed (these papers) and emotional exhaustion of saying goodbye.
my mom came upstairs saying she think she might have found it.
next thing i know i'm looking through the papers and speechless. somehow in a box i looked through already she found what i needed.
i can do my taxes now and get my visa.
God is good.
providing.
blessing my mom's heart to serve and help me look and not give up.
she cried.
i was to speechless to cry.
dad cried.
it was a very emotional high that passed around the strangarity household with the finding of these papers.
bless you, mom.
.................................
Obama also declared this month National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month.
I have NEVER been so proud of my this president. Obama got it right. i seriously cried as i read this.
praying for him all the time and then he does this....way to, mr. president. way to go!
................................
tomorrow i get to pick up my old college roomie from the airport. she and her husband have returned "home" to have a baby. how gracious of the Lord to have her return home when i'll be here. he brought her home the month my marriage fell apart to get married and he's bringing her home to have a baby with her husband just before i leave. oooo Ellen, i can't wait to hug you and see you!!
.......................
thursday morning i go back home.
excitement.
nerves.
a bit of sadness.
craziness.
resolution.
anticipation.
those about sum up my emotions thinking about returning.