He DOES see me!

my grandma is a wonderful wonderful women of God.
i don't know anyone that prays as hard and as fervently as that women.

today has been one of those days you want to crawl away from the world.
escape reality.
be transported to another place...another time...
be enveloped in the warm embrace of your mother.
sit by your father on the sofa.
have supper prepared for you.
have your siblings sing and dance and be silly all around you.
know that you are loved and enough and welcomed.

today i wish instead of leaving work heading to my sweet lapa,
i was heading home to my parents house.
i'm now approaching the 12th hour of working today.
that is about 9 hours longer than i'd like! *smile*
of course, a normal day is 9 1/2 hours, plus prep and lesson planning outside of school...
is it awful that i'd like nothing more than to have a full time job that consists of reading, researching, writing, loving, hugging, praying...and get paid for that?!? does anyone know of a job like that?
pick me! pick me!

i had a mini meltdown tonight at 5.
ok, it was a complete melt down.
this week, last week... they just sorta converged on me.
little pressures, small things, good things, hard things, sad things...
it was all too much as i sat typing feverishly away trying to finish documents that needed
signed and dated and to be printed and stapled and all finished in 40 minutes.
my heart sighed,
my already bloodshot eyes from exhaustion became watery.
tears were so close to the surface.
thankfully i made it from the school to the office, to the printer, to the storeroom to get more paper (of course, it was out!), back to the school without seeing anyone. well, i did see people...but no one stopped me!
a miracle in this relationally driven culture.

my first meeting went smashingly.
as smashingly it can when you are having awkward conversations
and talking about another person's child as if they are your own.
in between meetings i ran to my house to get a pear for my supper, knowing full well i wouldn't last without some sort of dinner till the next meeting ended.
on my doorstop stood the most peculiar thing.

a package. and,
a large package. and,
a letter.
for me.

oh, the goodness of the Lord to know today was the day i'd need to receive them!
a delightful package full of amazingness from one of my dearest friends, thank you jade (and cale!). seriously, i can't even unpack it all. i wept sitting on my bed opening it just now. so many practical things, so many favorite american things. your handwriting (a sadly dying artform)... so much goodness in that box. wow. seriously, jadie, i praised the Lord and wept. overjoyed at your blessing and love!

a letter from one of my sweet former "babies." lizzy was a freshman my first year as an RA at college. she'd later become my DA in the dorm, and a close friend. she is one of the most sensible girls ever. she married her sweetheart in sept and i couldn't make it (stupid africa...*grins*). how nice to receive a letter!

my gram cracker. the most treasured of them all. because of the reminder. because she barely has money to get by each month, yet is my most faithful "sender" of mail. actually, she's the only one beside my mom, and now jade and lizzy, to send me mail. almost every 3 weeks or so i get articles from the paper (ooo to feel "my" home paper in my hands!), little devotionals she's read, and her own letters to me. sometimes they include silly drawings my niece seana has done for me. this time it included a recent people magazine (she knows me SO well...total guilty pleasure).

my gram and i got my mom hooked on the bachelor this year. hahahah i love that my mom watches it. so weird and funny.
my gram keeps me up to date on pop culture. this recent letter had her telling me about taylor's winnings at the grammys (i am NOT a fan, but i do like that she grew up and was born not 15 minutes from me). she told me about the crazy snow. my mom recouping from surgery and various things only a grandma and grandchild could share....

my grams letters make me cry. always.
that women has loved me and prayed over me, for me, with me
more than anyone else i know.
i've always wanted to write a book and write it about her life.
she is the most fascinating women and did some of the
most daring and crazy things ever.
i love her.
thank you, gram, so much.

edit: i'm now, finally finished with parent teacher meetings and going on the 13th hour in this school building. ahhhhhh far too long! this was written on and off between meetings. hopfully it makes sense. i'm not in the mood to edit. i just want to go weep and let out the emotions in my heart, and bask in the goodness that in fact, He does see me and does hear me and IS the stability of my times.

*WHAT?! Jennifer Knapp and Derek Webb in concert, TOGETHER!, in Manheim, PA! It figures i live in africa when they do this!! get your tickets now! its a small venue and bound to be AH-MAZING!