nigeria: a love song.

i haven't been able to find words for this post.
it has haunted me for three days now.
it isn't comfortable. or happy. and, i do so
like happy things.
things like little birdies. red balloons. laughter. coffee. my car that i sold last year.
happy things. family things.

this is not happy. and,
this is not pleasant. but its reality.

i have had an unsettled stirring in my heart the past three days because people are killing people and i go to bed each night and lay under my covers and feel warm and fuzzy. and when i dont feel warm and fuzzy i hold my little stuffed animal, L.E, close to my heart and she's always warm and fuzzy.

people are killing people, people!
wait, i dont think you heard me.
people are murdering, brutally murdering, their neighbors.
because they believe different. because their skin color is a shade darker or lighter.

as 'fate would have it' i decided i need to escape two nights ago and i decided to watch Tears of the Sun*. i know the average person would not find that 'light' viewing. but to me, its gripping. and gripping has always given me what i need in a movies, an escape. so i watched it. i was missing west africa and it felt right. as the movie loaded i perused various global papers. i was horrified to see the 'movie' i was just about to watch play out on papers in front of me. the movie is about a doctor who refuses to leave the people she is working tirelessly to help and heal. and so the marine team sent to rescue her b/c ethnic war just broke out ends up with lots of refugees 'tagging' along. 'fake' people like this lady doctor have always inspired me. but the movie was becoming real....

i was horrified and sickened by what the papers were telling me. this is an excellent, but very non-pg version of what happened. like i had to take breaks to read it.** people being chopped up by machetes is not light reading. but its reality. so i said it here. because i hope to sorta scare you into realizing stuff like this happens!!

oh, Lord! we need your mercy!!

you see, i've been to nigeria. it was a brief visit. it was fully illegal. i climbed a mountain. i drank a coke. i took some photos.

500 hundred lovely people. brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers....babies. their life was taken too swiftly. too brutally for me to sit and do nothing. so what do i do? i write a blog. i send my president an email. i pray for mercy.

i am a christian. i guess if i boiled it down, what i mean is: i love Jesus. i believe He died for me. He created this world. He created us to have free choice. as the best lover he allows me to love in return or not. its my choice.
i am an american. i have freedom of speech, i have freedom to exercise my rights as i believe, and wish, and want, and dream. i love those two facts. i love not being afraid of what i believe. i also appreciate not being afraid of my friends or family with different beliefs to face physical death or persecution.
i'm just at a loss to understand what it would be like to see my entire town wiped out. in one day....

i hate how religion wars against religion. how race wars against race.
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

i dont think the fact that i am american or a Christian is the reason why. i think i care about people killing people because i'm a person. and i want all people to have rights. all people DO have rights, or they should.

this is a short clip of a mass burial from sunday. its not even two minutes. its actually very pg/family friendly (if you could use those terms to describe a mass burial), but it puts faces to survivors and just makes you weep again.

*i dont recommend this movie. but i do. its awful. its bloody. there is cursing. i realized the last few times i've seen it, it was on tv, so viewing the non edited dvd was a bit, uh...eye closing for me. i forgot how graphic and realistic the violence of the 'cleansing' was. it was a lot...but it was probably nothing compared to what reality is. reality for 500 of my brothers and sisters just murdered.

**are you like me? do you sometimes just 'skim' over facts not letting the reality of it set in? i feel like reading about this horror was one thing, but after finishing tears of the sun and seeing it...it sank in. i hate that i desensitize myself, for SO many reasons to feel. feeling is uncomfortable. being uncomfortable requires some sort of action....i forced myself to go back and re-read things...to feel them...to act. will you?