a voice behind you says....

two days ago i was talking with my friend lelane. she was up here at the farm for RaG regional meetings, she runs our operations, or something like that?! she's basically just cool and a very sharp women. it was her daughter i wrote about having in school for two days, here.

anyway, we were talking about my future and my life in general. it was exciting and terrifying at the same time.

she said something that stuck with me. she shared one of her favorite passages from the bible to me. it also has been one of mine since stumbling upon it 7 years ago (or maybe earlier, who knows?!?)

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:21

that verse has always bothered me because of the 'behind.' but i also had never really given it much thought. i can be a VERY deep thinker, or not at all. *smile* it was more a strange comfort to me. always believing and trusting Him that i would hear that voice behind me say this is the way walk in it.

if i'm honest, all of my life, on and off, i've felt like a bad follower of Jesus because i struggle to hear His voice. He's always more whispered to me. or spoken in peace. i am not one of those people that has dreams where He speaks clearly. Or someone who hears Him speaking audibly.

i know people like that. and i always wondered, what was up with me? did i not love enough? was there some deep unconfessed sin that blocked my hearing? a mind can wonder and go crazy.

but i have come to hear Him. and i do recognize His voice. probably not always, but most of the time. and i pray to hear it more. and i pray for confirmation. and let me tell you...i can think of 3 major things last spring (fall for you americans) where He told me something and someone here reiterated the exact same thing. He was just letting me know it was Him.

but its in whispers and through the nudging on my heart even then. i've learned to trust the thoughts that come...and i've learned to test them.

but still i sometimes wish i dreamed or had visions or heard Him. even yesterday Lizzy was telling me about a dream she had and then how it happened a few months later just as in her dream. He doesn't speak to me like that. and i'm learning its ok. its ok.

and really, it is. and i like that he knows me well enough to know my heart and speaks to me quietly and internally. because i am more quiet and internal. and thats nice. its nice He knows me like that....

but it was so nice talking with lelane, it was such a blessing to me. because she said that for her, He doesn't really speak from in front saying: "come, follow me this way or that way," that for her, she walks forward in faith and then the reassuring voice says, "this way or that."


and that is how he talks to me! so often i'll see an open door or have a bit of peace, not total or complete, but a bit, and i get out of the boat and i walk, and then comes the sweet voice of Him to my heart.